you win some, you lose many

It's been a little crazy for the past few weeks, with a premiere and rehearsals and the usual stress. Now I have a moment to breathe, so I can post an update.

2 weekends ago, I auditioned for Staatstheater am Gärtnerplatz in München. I went with T again, so at least I had some company. There were lots of people at the audition, so many that they had to divide the girls into 2 classes. T was in the first group, and got through to the next round. I had to wait till after the second group of girls had gone. I met some guys from earlier auditions as well as an ex-colleague, which was nice.

The ballet class was not too bad, but there were so many aggressive ballerinas pushing their way in front, and creating a very stressful atmosphere. Luckily there was an Italian guy that I met before, and he told me (during the audition) that he could not stop laughing at these crazy dancers. It put me at ease; at least I wasn't the only one feeling that way. It was really amazing how some of these guys were. To my surprise, I was called back to the next round. I didn't think I would because I was not pushing my way through the crowd so I didn't think anyone could even see me. My laughing Italian friend got called back too.

I waited an hour while T learnt some repertoire, and she came out and got through to the next round. I found it really difficult to pick up the steps for some reason. It was really fast and had so many details, and all the other boys didn't seem to have a problem. Still, I gave it my best shot, and in the end I went through to the next round too.

The girls joined us in the next round and we had to repeat the repertoire again to the original music. Somehow the musicality was a little twisted, but I tried to follow what they said. Both T and I were cut after that. For whatever reason, I will never know. I thanked the director after, and he said to come back anytime. Even though I was disappointed that I didn't make it further, I was really happy with the way it went and how far I got. It made me feel that maybe I do have something, and I am not one of the 'cut-after-barre' dancers anymore. 

I was still waiting for some kind of word from Donlon Dance Company, and they did not respond to my e-mails, so I made up my mind that I would call them today. However, last night I got an e-mail saying that they gave the contract to someone else. Honestly, I was annoyed and disappointed, especially after waiting almost a month for them to say something to me. I'm over it now, and I hope that if they ever need someone they will think of me.

Now I'm still waiting (I seem to be doing a lot of that) for an invitation from Darmstadt and Osnabrück. Both of them are more Tanztheater companies, which is more my thing. I got a reply from Wiesbaden, and they have already given the contract to another guy so there will be no audition. They did say I could come and do class, which I think I will take advantage of. I was invited to the audition in Kassel, which will take place in Berlin in April. It's a 4 day audition, so it's going to prove difficult but things could happen for me before that so hopefully I don't have to travel that far. Today I wrote to the theatre in Trier, the Ballett der Musikalischen Komödie/Oper Leipzig, and to Nürnberg so I will see if anything will happen from this. 

There are moments I want to just throw in the towel, but I love dancing more than ever now, so I will keep fighting until it's clear for me that there is no point fighting anymore. I didn't give up the first time, and I have been dancing ever since. Let's keep going.