Post Number 11 - Sweden

Going back almost a week ago, I remember having a conversation with Nat while we were in Holland. We had just walked out of Lucent Dans Theater and she said that NDT was exactly where she wanted to be. She could just feel it and knew straight away. At the time, I just agreed, thinking I knew exactly what she was talking about. Only now that I have been in Stockholm I understand the feeling. 

As soon as I stepped off the plane, I fell in love with the place. True, it is cold and icy and a little dreary but the atmosphere and the people are so warm! I haven't come across a local who has been bitchy, or abrupt or boring. I don't know if it was because I had just come from Brussels that I was feeling this way. I thought I would wait a little longer to see if the feeling wore off.

I did a ballet class at the Balletakademein in the city the morning after I arrived. It was a very good class, and the teacher gave me positive feedback. Then I headed into the centre of the city to do the walking tour that was set out by my travel guide. I got halfway through it before it got dark, so I decided to go into a cafe and read my book and relax a bit instead. I felt at home. Stockholm is where I belong. Being here makes Malaysia and Australia seem so unfamiliar, so foreign. I just feel so safe and sure here. I even started learning a bit of Swedish when I got home.

Oh yes, I am staying with a fellow dancer here. Her name is Lava Markusson. She is a friend of Jamie's (my senior at WAAPA) who offered me a bed to sleep in. She is such a lovely person, and her little apartment is almost as cute as she is. I am so thankful for her hospitality and kindness. 

I arrived at the Riksteatern in Norsborg an hour before registration. The first group was still going. Cullberg Ballet. I have wanted to be a part of it for a while. I watched the videos on the website of their current repertoire, which made me want to be in the company even more. I was feeling ready and pumped. I was ready to show them what I was made of. 

I have to admit that I gave it everything I had. I wanted it so badly, and I think it must have showed. Ana Laguna was one of the panel; I was star-struck. I even got to shake her hand! I was going to get her autograph, but I couldn't find her after the audition. Anyway, the audition was awesome! We did a ballet warm up, then we learned repertoire by Mats Ek and Johan Inger. I watched these pieces on the website that morning, and was glad that I did. The movement felt so natural in my body, I knew that this was what I wanted to do. 

After the audition, we waited around for the panel to decide who was coming back the next day. I talked to a few familiar faces, people that I had seen at auditions and on my travels so far. Fang Ling, who was an exchange student from Taiwan was there as well (she got a callback). Met Nonoko from Japan, who was living in San Francisco but now looking for a job in Europe. Talked to an Aussie girl from Noosa, who was friends with one of the first years at WAAPA. It's so good to know how small the dance world is. In Belgium, I met a girl Juliette in a ballet class who used to dance with Singapore Dance Theatre and knows Pei Nee and Bryan. What a small little dance world. 

The artistic director, Anna Grip, walked to the centre of the studio thanking everyone for coming, then read out the list of names which unfortunately didn't include mine. I was upset, and more disappointed. I thought that giving it everything would make them see how much I wanted it. I wasn't upset because of the rejection, but because I knew that I wanted it so much. I I tried not to let it get to me, but I had a pretty crappy night and stood in front of the Ben & Jerry's fridge in the supermarket for a while. Luckily I stopped myself from reaching for a tub of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. I knew I would get over it.

And I did. Today I woke up thinking differently about the situation. I did my best, which is what I should do at every audition. I learned amazing rep, by two geniuses. I shook Ana Laguna's hand! I got to come to Stockholm, and fall in love with it. I still have five more auditions to go and countless private ones. The best thing is that I got to meet lots of different people. Today I went to the Theatre Museum and the Museum of Modern Art, and watched Twilight. I feel great now, and will be leaving Sweden in good spirits for Switzerland. My next audition is with Bern Ballet this coming weekend. I'm also trying to set up a private audition with Ballet Basel and St. Gallen. 

Bring it on, Switzerland. I'm ready.

Hej då Sweden, I will be back when you're ready for me.