Just some dancer's blog.

Chapter 3 - In and Out

2010-07-14T01:54:00.001-07:00

tanzart-til-3-3324, originally uploaded by Rolf K. Wegst.

So like many other posts, I have to apologise for my lack of updates due to many time consuming things and situations.

I am in Malaysia now, but will be leaving for Spain tonight to walk the Camino de Santiago (or Jakobsweg or The Way of St. James) for a month, so I figured I should at least provide my readers with a quick update of the rest of last season and what will happen for the next.

To describe the rest of the season in one word would be: hectic. We had the TanzArt festival, which also meant the end of Cassandra (Hooray!) and the beginning of Gustav Nachtigal. Thinking that Nachtigal was the last show of the season, I wasn't expecting to work so much after the festival was over. My piece, A Family Thing (see above picture), was performed in the extremely hot Til for the festival. Because there was so much to do before the festival, we didn't have much of a chance to rehearse. However, they performed it well and I can't say I was disappointed (even though the technical people screwed up my lights).

As soon as the festival was over, we started working on a piece for our next season. We had a guest choreographer, Philip Taylor, come over to set his Rhapsody in Blue on our company. We also had some new dancers join us to learn it. It's a really nice piece and I get to dance quite a lot so I'm happy with it. He finished teaching us the whole piece in 5 days. We also started some things with Tarek, and also some stuff for the operetta that we're in for the beginning of next season.

The day after we finished I flew to Kuala Lumpur, then to Perth and now I'm back in KL waiting to fly to Barcelona to start a month-long pilgrimage. So don't expect any updates for at least a month.

I'm looking forward to the next season. It will be a little easier because I'm a little more settled over there and I have friends and a little bit of a German life now. Till next season :)

End of Chapter

Chapter 3 - Fat Lazy Ass (An angry post)

2010-04-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

The good news first: I'm staying on for another season.

Now the venting may begin.

Anyone who knows me or has worked with me, would never consider me to be a person who doesn't work hard at what he does. Anyone who knows me or sees me now, would never consider me fat or out of shape. Anyone who has seen me perform on stage would never conclude that I do not have any stage presence nor personality. Anyone who knows dance, will encourage enthusiastic young choreographers when the opportunity arises. This is the truth.

Why then, are you so insecure that you need to say these things that are not true and so hurtful? Why is it so necessary to put someone who wants to be a normal happy human being down so that you can feel better about your own sad existence? I don't get it. Why do people have to be such assholes?

One day you will realize that you're old, ugly, fat and alone and I hope you will know why you are so. Until then, I have a quote for you, in the poetic words of Lauren by Catherine Tate, "I ain't bovvered!"

Chapter 3 - Und dann..

2010-03-21T01:34:00.001-07:00

cass4395, originally uploaded by Rolf K. Wegst.

So my excuse for not posting anything for a while is that I forget. As a human being, I forget things and therefore forget to blog sometimes.

Now that I have remembered, and have some time to kill I suppose it's time for an update. Since the premiere of Cassandra, things have been quite easy for me I have to admit. I'm not in any other pieces, so I've only been performing Cassandra and only twice since the premiere. I'm now learning Ces't la Vie as a backup, but my chances to actually perform it are slim to none. I don't really mind because at least I get to do something and I'm not just sitting around.

I've had guests here for the past two weeks. Jess, who graduated from WAAPA the year after I did has come to Europe to see what she can find and she came to do class with us for a week. Also, Glynn made an appearance for two weeks and his mum and sister came to see him and watch me perform. It was a sweet little family reunion and I feel like I understand Glynn better now that I've met another part of his family.

I have also started creating a new work for the TanzArt festival in May, and I'm really enjoying it. This piece is an exploration of family life and all the characters that make a family what it is. It's really cool to be choreographing on professionals, which I have never done before. I'm going to keep working hard on it, and hopefully it will pay off.

In terms of my contract and staying for next season, things are a little up in the air. We've started rehearsing a new piece called Gustav Nachtigall, which will be taken into the next season. My director has kind of dropped hints that I will be in it, but has not made any promises and offers yet. It's so difficult to ask him what is happening, because he also needs to clarify things with the big boss. Two boys are leaving, so I don't see why he shouldn't hire me, and he gave me positive feedback the last time I spoke to him so I hope things will go the way they feel.

Other than that, I am enjoying my life here in Germany and also looking forward to my holiday to Italy in less than two weeks.

Photo: Magdalena as Cassandra in Cassandra, and me as a crazy dying person.

Chapter 3 - Premiere

2010-02-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

This week was a killer.

This was due to the fact that the premiere of Cassandra was last night. By the end of the previous week, we were still not running the piece, and I was starting to get a little nervous. We only somewhat managed a run by Wednesday, and even then major changes to the set and choreography were still being made. I have never ever felt so unprepared for a performance in my whole life as a dancer.

Then to make things worse, on the morning of the premiere, our director decides that he is a little bored and made like a million changes to the piece. I was in shock, but apparently this always happens. I understand that a piece is never finished, but this was indeed stressful. However, we managed to pull it together shakily, and we gave a pretty good opening night.

What I was really not prepared for was the curtain call and how long it went! In Australia I was used to bowing twice at the most, and last night I think I bowed like 20 times. It's amazing how different audiences can be, regardless of how big or small the theatre and/or company is. All in all I had a really good time, and the process has definitely been an experience; one that will keep going. I can't imagine what the piece will be like by closing night in a few months time.

Photo: Ekaterine and I, already slightly mad by Wednesday.

Chapter 3 - Pineapple Bread

2010-02-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

It's scary how time goes flying past. I've been in Germany for a month now.

I'm pleased to say that I feel really good. Chinese New Year is around the corner, which hopefully means good things for the Rabbit. I feel like I can be more positive more often because of how last year went. I also feel that I can take things less seriously and concentrate my efforts on work and German study.

Work is going well. Two weeks till the premiere of Cassandra. The piece is still not finished, but apparently that is how it works in this company. I finally feel that I am back in terms of my dancing body, my motivation and my drive. Things aren't always easy and there have been many a tense moment, but I try not to get involved in the politics and stick to the art.

I've formed friendships with people I didn't expect to form friendships with. It took a while for my German colleagues to warm up to me, but they have and I have a lot of fun with them. I also get along really well with the new girl, Ekaterine (from Georgia, but has lived in Germany for 15 years). It is so important to me to have good relationships with my workmates, because I am sure at some stage I will need someone to turn to. In this way I am glad I'm with a small company because it's easier to have strong relationships.

There's been a big drama about my hair. Sue told me to cut it because it was getting in my eyes, but the Maske is refusing because they want my hair long for Cassandra and even longer for the next production. It's funny that I don't really have a say about my own hair, but I guess that's what it's like in performing arts. I have a costume fitting tomorrow, so we'll see what kind of funky costumes I have to wear.

I also have a funny story about my German. On the weekend I made some banana bread for my friends, and for some reason my brain told me that the word 'ananas' meant 'banana'. So of course, I told everyone I made ananas Brot. My friends were confused because none of them could taste PINEAPPLE in my bread. I was the laughing stock of the table when I said that it was banana bread. Embarrassing, but entertaining. What makes it worse is that 'nanas' in Malay means pineapple. Dumm.

Chapter 3 - Settlement

2010-01-31T01:53:00.000-08:00

Three weeks in Germany have flown by. I feel like I've been here forever and that I've always been part of the company.

I have officially moved to my new place as of yesterday. It is such an awesome room, and both my housemates are gorgeous and lovely. As I type this blog, I can look out my window and see the snow falling, and the sun faintly peeking through the clouds. I need to buy a few things, but otherwise I am completely equipped. So much happier now, I feel that I can actually start to settle down.

All my paperwork has been completed and organised, so I don't have so much to worry about now. Work is going as well as it can. We spent the week on stage so that we could space a few things and work things out around the set. We have slightly over two weeks before the premiere of Cassandra, but it's nowhere close to finished. I hope that there is not too much to go. At this point, I don't really know how much more there is to do.

Had a really fun night last night. I always thought it would be sehr schwierig for me to hang out with Europeans because I don't smoke or drink, but I think I proved to my friends that it's possible to still have lots of fun and stay sober. Plus, the drunk people always pay for everything, so things end up way cheaper for me :P I really like my new friends and colleagues, and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable here.

My German is improving, though it is still very slow. I am feeling more confident in saying some words and putting awkward sentences together. I have started reading Der Zauberer der Smaragdenstadt, which is The Wizard of Oz in German. It's a great way to learn new words and understand sentence structure. I just need to buy an English-German-English dictionary. I have asked my German colleagues to only speak German to me outside the studio, and I can only reply to them in German. It is so hard at the moment, but I hope with time it will get better and easier.

Photo: Meindert, Victor & I.

Chapter 3 - Getting Into It

2010-01-22T04:34:00.000-08:00

I've been here two weeks, and I think I am finally starting to settle in. I've found a place to stay as of next month. I am a registered resident of Gießen. I will get my work permit next week. I have people that I consider friends. My German is improving quicker than I expected, most of my German friends are impressed with how much I can speak. Natürlich (of course), I still feel like a fool when I say things in German, but I think it will be like that for the next few months. I think it will take me at least a year before I can be at a conversational level. Good thing I am moving in with two German Frauen.

Dancing here is great. We had a guest teacher all of this week, which was a good change from doing ballet everyday. I wish we could do contemporary classes more often. Ballet is good, but it gets a bit boring after 17 years. We are still working on a piece called Cassandra. It seems like it will be interesting, but I'm still not quite sure what it is all about. Honestly, I am just doing steps and I wish I knew the reason behind my movement. Oh well, I'll just keep going and working. My body is slowly but surely getting back in shape. I am losing all the kuih-kuih that I accumulated when I was in Malaysia. I can't wait till I get fit and sexy again.

Photo: My friends, Ina & Victor. Two of the loveliest people I've met here.

Chapter 3 - A Week Goes By

2010-01-14T11:52:00.000-08:00

I believe it's time for another post, since work finished early for me today.

I can't believe I've been here almost a week. I am slowly but surely settling in, and my body has gotten back into dancing mode again. I just wish it would get to skinny mode a little quicker. I'm really enjoying myself here, as I am a person who loves change and new environments. It's great to be in a place that I don't really know, not knowing many people outside work, strange language, snow (freaking schnee) and no real place to live.

I am in the process of looking for my own place, and I suppose that is my biggest project at the moment. It's a little harder than in Australia because of the language and the way things work here are a little different. Part of me wants to live in a house with other people. I think it's a great way to meet people, learn German and mingle with non-dancers. On the other hand, it would be nice to come home from work to my own space and some peace and quiet (without smokers). So I'll see how I go. I'm sure with some help from above something will be sent my way.

Company life so far is great. I'm glad to be finally working, and doing something every day, instead of moping around wishing some big company would take me. I get along well with everyone, and I don't feel like an outsider, strangely enough. My workmates are: Eoin (Irish, pronounced Owen), Victor (Mexican), Meindert (Dutch), Svende (German), Morgane (Belgian), Magdalena (Bulgarian) and Antonia (German). Luckily there are two Germans at work who can help me with my German, but as you can see there are people from everywhere. I'm the only Malaysian/Australian :) .

My German is improving, also slowly but surely. I ordered something at the supermarket today in German, and I pretty much got the gist of what the lady behind the counter was saying. I'm hoping that in a few months I will be able to hold a short conversation with someone. At the moment ich bin sehr langzham (I am very slow) when I speak but I guess with time and practice I will be able to get it together. I'm enjoying the learning experience so far.

If you want to see pictures of the company, here's a link to a photographer that I found on flickr. He's got some wicked shots here.

Also, check out my photos : http://www.flickr.com/photos/urgh87

Picture: On my way to work.

Chapter 3 - In the Deep End

2010-01-08T21:46:00.000-08:00

I arrived two days ago to a cold and snow-covered Germany. I'm not sure if I was excited or just relieved. When I got to the airport, I was stopped by border security yet again, but this time they didn't send me back.

I started work yesterday, and as a result of that I have a very sore body. We started at 10am for class, then kept working till about 2pm. Then we had a break till 7.30pm, and worked till 10pm. What a first day at work. I was a little out of it because of the jet lag and general lack of dancing over the past few months. I am so unfit.

I was accepted very quickly and warmly by the company. I had met all of them on my last trip over, but didn't really get to speak much to many of them. Luckily I'm really comfortable with two guys in the company, Eoin and Victor. They are such great guys, and I don't feel like a newbie at all.

They have just started a new work, called Cassandra. I don't know what it's about but I suppose I will be filled in at some point. It's hard to say what it will be like because it's still in the early stages, but I have learned phrases and will be slotted in as the process continues. Hopefully it will be a nice work.

It is so cold here. Every time I walk somewhere, I am constantly swallowing this horrid icy wind. What a big change from the 40ºC heat that I came from.

I am staying with a friend of the company, John. He kindly offered a room (and facilities) for a small fee while I sort myself out and look for other accommodation. I'm not going to rush to look for anything, I need to stay somewhere that I am happy, because I really need somewhere nice to come home to especially with this job.

I still can't believe I'm here after such a long struggle. And hell, am I sore!

Picture: View from my window at 5am. Thank you jet lag.

Chapter 3 - Fresh Start

2010-01-05T04:37:00.000-08:00

CHAPTER III

Let's start the new year afresh. Chapter 2 was depressing and annoying, so let's not look back. It's time for something new. Fresh. Positive.

I fly off tomorrow. I don't feel it yet. I'm trying not to think about all the things I have to sort out when I get there. New place, bank account etc., the essentials. My German is nowhere close to fluent, but I figured the best place to learn it will be over there when I am surrounded by it. I'm too comfortable to learn it while I'm here.

2010 will be better. I can feel it. I think I will start putting pictures on this blog, just to add a bit of colour and spice to it. I should start taking more photos anyway.

Australian Detour - The Curse

2009-12-29T23:44:00.000-08:00

The year isn't over yet, which means the curse has not ended. I thought it wouldn't affect the last two days of the year, so I became confident and started trusting people and services again. Oh, never will I trust anyone or anything ever again in my life.

I flew into Perth at 5.20am on Monday, ready to sort my life out before I fly off again to Germany. On the way home, Glynn informed me that it was a public holiday because boxing day was on a Saturday. That spoiled my entire day, and my entire week. It meant that the post office wouldn't be open and I wouldn't be able to send my passport to the German embassy, which meant I wouldn't get my passport back till the following Monday (I was hoping to fly on the Saturday or Sunday, meaning I could start fresh on the Monday.

Then Glynn said that the 31st wasn't a public holiday, so I would still get it before the weekend. I was almost happy until the following day when I went to the post office to send my passport. The lady at the counter told me that mail would not be delivered on New Year's Eve. This means that they will only work 2 days this week, the laziness of them all! I fumed for a few minutes and accepted that I wouldn't be leaving till next week. At least my passport was sent off and I thought I would get it back on Monday.

I went to StaTravel to change my airline ticket today, feeling confident that I would get my passport back on Monday. I changed my flight to leave on the Tuesday, paid the extra charges and thought I was on my way. That is, until I got home and checked my e-mail. They hadn't received my passport yet. I called Australia Post and asked them why it wasn't delivered the next day like they promised. They said it was still being delivered and they couldn't help me at all. I fumed at my stupidity in trusting people. Haven't I learned this year that you can't trust anybody?

At least there was one good thing. My travel agent, always on top of her game, said that my ticket had not gone through yet and that she would still be able to put me on a flight later on in the week for the same fare. Thank God for that.

I will not hold my breath just yet. Tomorrow is the last day of this cursed year. I will just stay in bed the whole day and pretend to be dead so that hopefully nothing bad can happen. For all you know, a piano could fall out of the sky and fall on top of my house, right over my bed. Touch wood.

My two New Year's resolutions:

1. Stop trusting people.
2. Be patient, it's not the end of the world. Yet.

Malaysian Detour - New Year, New Chapter

2009-12-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

My time at home will come to an end in less than 48 hours. My work permit has been approved and I can safely step onto German soil. For personal reasons, I wish I didn't have to go so soon, but what must be done, must be done.

I will fly back to Perth tomorrow to collect my visa, then I will be on the first available flight to Frankfurt after the new year. I hope 2010 will be a better year for all of us who have struggled (but survived) and that it will be a year of health, good experience, joy and lots of fun. I would like to take this opportunity to say good f**king riddance, 2009.

End of Chapter II

Malaysian Detour - 15 Seconds of Fame

2009-12-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

I know this blog is for my experiences as a professional dancer, and since dancing has stopped momentarily due to my slight shift in profession to be a carer, I wasn't planning on blogging anytime soon. However,

Here's an update: I'm still waiting on my German visa, so I decided it was better to wait in Malaysia and look after my mother instead of doing nothing in Perth. It's not all fun and games, but I'm enjoying my time with my family and a few of my friends that I have seen.

Here's the reason for this post, and it's thanks to my dunggu friend Shannon who set me up. She's working for a small production company in KL, and they were doing a TV segment called Step It Up and she asked me to be one of the instructors and teach these two talk show hosts to do some contemporary dance for local television, which would end with a performance for a small audience. They had no dance background, so I knew it was going to be an interesting experience.

Anyway, a meeting was set up and I talked to the producers and they gave me instructions on what they wanted (but also chose to withhold some). I agreed to do it for a tiny fee, as I don't think they were planning on paying me (I wouldn't have done it for free!) I'm not a big fan of being on television, especially for not very much in return, but I knew Shannon really needed my help and I couldn't say 'no' to her adorable face.

I spent a greater part of my Sunday working out what I was going to do. Eventually, the music was selected and I had more or less choreographed a short 2-minute piece for them. I also worked out what I was going to do for a warm-up and what not.

The callsheet said that we were to be at the yoga studio at 10am. Shannon and I arrived 15 minutes before. Not surprisingly, everyone was late. The two hosts strolled in about 10.20am. I had a chat to them about the interview as they were both pretty clueless as to what contemporary dance is all about. The thing with Malaysian television is that there are a lot of things that you can't say, do or wear. No sleeveless tops, no buttock-peeping shorts (which is pretty understandable I guess), and you can't talk about sex, or nakedness or, wait for it, yoga. Apparently Muslims aren't allowed to do yoga because it's a very Buddhist thing, and there was a huge scandal about it recently. I thought it was funny that we were shooting in a yoga studio!

Me: So can I say 'yoga' on television?
J: No.
Me: What about Ashtanga?
J: No.

It was not until 11.45 that we actually did the first shot, which didn't include me. Then the cameras had to be shifted into the stuffy yoga studio where the two hosts would introduce and interview me. That went pretty smoothly. Then I took them through the yoga warm-up, which I altered into 'stretching exercises' for censorship purposes, when one of the hosts cried out in pain. I asked if he was okay, as he mentioned 5 minutes before we started shooting that he had a recurring football injury and it was starting to play up. He said we could keep going. Hesitatingly, I did. A few seconds later, another cry. This time I told him that if it hurt that much he should not be doing this exercise let alone a segment on contemporary dance. I had planned to do a bit of rolling around, and I doubt that his knee was up to it. I know what it's like to dance injured and it's not easy even for a dancer.

So that was that. They called it a day. I only asked them to give me half of what they were going to give me, because I didn't do anything at all. All I did was one sun salutation, but of course I can't say that on TV.

At least I got to have lunch with Shan.

Chapter 2 - A Little Prayer

2009-11-08T01:08:00.000-08:00

If you ever see me and ask me how I am, I will say I’m fine. I will also be lying.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still loving life and loving people. This is not a white flag flying. I still laugh in the face of adversity.

I have just come to the realization that I am in fact in a worse position than I was last year. I am fatter, less fit, still not working, and have almost no motivation left. To top it all off, the most important woman in my life is sick and there is nothing I can do because my passport is with the German Embassy in Melbourne.

There are two ways to summarize my year so far:

I traveled around Europe, auditioning and seconding, and got nothing but rejection until the very end where I was promised with a job prospect. Two weeks after my arrival back in Australia, this promise was all washed away due to a budget cut. Also discovered I was betrayed by a friend that I truly cared for and was deeply hurt. I had to pick myself up and pay an arm and a leg to stay in Australia, then even more money to travel over east to be seen and hopefully get a job and some experience. Got some experience, but still not good enough to get any work. Then out of the blue I got an offer from the same company in Germany, who then told me to come over as soon as possible, even though I told them I needed a visa. They said to come over and sort it out when I got there. Paid another arm and leg to fly over only to be deported for not having a visa. Now back in Perth, fat, miserable and broke and waiting for my visa to process, which could take up to three months. Also just found out that my mum has brain and lung tumors.

Experienced the wonder of Europe, a place I have always dreamed of going back to. Fell in love with the continent and its culture. Was lucky enough for my talents to be noticed by a few people. Shit happens, and even though I lost my job and was hurt emotionally, I managed to pick myself up and have the determination to keep going. Participated in Soft Landing 2, which was an awesome program, and met some awesome people, which resulted in an awesome experience. Spent some time at Tasdance and had a great time, and also got lots of good feedback. Went to Sydney and had a good time with Cilli and Sydney Dance Company. Got to do wicked improvisation classes with Adam Linder. Grateful for the opportunity to work in Germany again, it was time to change my mindset. However, due to miscommunication, I got the chance to spend more time in Australia in the warmth. I was organized enough to sort out my German visa and lucky enough to have money to survive with and also still have my job. My mum may be sick, but she has such awesome friends and family to look after her, care for her and pray for her. She is also such a strong woman, and she continues to inspire me every day.

I think I like the second one better, but reading the first one I know I’ve been through a lot of crap. I can only come out stronger from this, but at this very moment I guess I am not in the best of spirits. It’s natural for me to feel like this and I’m not going to beat myself up nor am I going to pretend that everything is hunky-dory. I just try not to show it because I don’t like to be pitied.

When I found out about my mum, I prayed that God would let me take her pain so she didn’t have to suffer any more than she already has. It then occurred to me that I was being stupid because I can’t tell God what to do. Everything happens for a reason, and if it is part of my mum’s journey then I should let it be. She is a testimony to the kind of unexplainable mysteries that God has in store, and I know she has faith that healing can happen more than once.

All I ask of my readers is to say a little prayer for my mum, and for all the other good people battling it out. It doesn’t matter what kind of religion or belief you have, just spare a thought for her. It’s really all we need right now.

Chapter 2 - the Recovery

2009-10-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

I’m back in Australia and I’ve had some time to recover from my deportation.

I’m still a little shaken by the whole experience, and even the thought of getting on a plane gives me the shivers. I thought I used to hate flying.

The good thing is, things are still moving along. I am collecting all the documents I need to get this visa, and the company is doing all they can to quicken the process. They’re actually sending the contracts via DHL. It’s amazing how something like this can cause a whole group of people to be suddenly efficient and communicative. Maybe this expensive weekend wasn’t such a bad thing after all. For them, anyway.

Another good thing is that I still have some time here. I may get a little bit of summer after all. Sigh, the things we do for dance.

Chapter 2 - Dancer Deported

2009-10-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

If there’s a right time to tell you what’s going on, I believe that now would be it. I am sitting in the Immigration room at the Frankfurt Airport as the border police decide what is the best way to get me out of here.

I’ll start from the beginning.

About a month ago, I was offered another contract with Tazcompagnie Gießen. Seeing no other opportunity arising in Australia anytime soon, I accepted it. I mentioned to them that it would be best that I could start in January so that I have time to organize all my things in Australia and apply for the visa and whatnot. They wanted me to start in October, which only gave me a few weeks to sort myself out to start a new life.

I called the German High Commission in Melbourne and they told me that it was absolutely mandatory that I apply for a visa before I go because I am not an Australian national. So I contacted the company letting them know that it would take about 10 weeks to get the visa, which would mean that my chances of starting in October would be very slim if not impossible. They said they would take care of it. Thinking that they had done this all before and had had plenty of experience, I trusted them and booked my flights.

I guess I was excited to start a new life. I was looking forward to the experiences that I would partake in. I was glad for a change. I was starting to feel down on my luck and less and less employable as the months flew past. This was something that I needed, not just wanted.

So I waited for the original contracts to arrive. They didn’t. So I let the company know that I would fly anyway and sign a contract when I got there. I thought it would be fine.

Now I’ve ended up in the Immigration room. Apparently I needed to apply for that visa. So now they’re deciding which flight to put me on back to Perth. I need to have an interview, and pay a fine. I’m a little shaken, but I don’t want to do anything illegal. I’m glad I told the truth, (that I was here for a job and had a copy of the contract). I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and head home with my tail between my legs.

I guess it pays to do your research and to be safe. I am disappointed, no doubt. I feel cold and alone and there’s noone here for comfort.

* * *

Well, I’ve done the interview and paid the fine, and now I’m going to be deported for the very first time in my life. I was really scared at first because the first officer who spoke to me looked like Amon Goethe from Schindler’s List and said something like, “Vee are goink to report you, then fine you, then kill you.”

Luckily the officer who was handling my case was really nice and caring. He made sure I was okay and was as close to comfort as I got. I felt more at ease after about 30 minutes and after talking to Glynn on the phone, and stopped freaking out. I was still a bit scared but everything worked out fine and now I’m as calm as ever. It was all a misunderstanding and I know what I need to do now. You can never be too sure when it comes to immigration.

They contacted the company and I got to talk to Tarek. He told me to remain calm and that he was really, really sorry that all this happened. I still have my job; I just need to come back legally the next time, and he will do all he can to help. We just need to wait till my visa has been approved when I go back to Australia.

Now I just have to wait till tonight to fly back to Perth. What an expensive weekend, but at least I have a story to tell now. I don’t know if my year should be considered interesting and exciting, or just downright unlucky. I guess it would be interesting for my readers. I need a hug.

Chapter 2 - More Soon

2009-10-08T04:29:00.000-07:00

I just can’t bring myself to say anything until it is official. Most of my friends know, and I promise I will reveal everything when I put that pen on that paper.

I can say that I am leaving Perth on Saturday to go far far away and that we’re getting close to the end of chapter 2.

More very soon.

Chapter 2 - Sydney to the Present Day

2009-09-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

What a waste of a week.

I arrived in Sydney at about 10.15pm. It was about 30ºC, and I was still wearing my winter clothes from Launceston. Add a 20kg suitcase and two bulky carry-ons and you have a tired, sweaty, irritable Keith. Now add a 2km line for a taxi, and you get a Keith waiting to pull his hair out, but fortunately did not have any hands free. And this is just the beginning.

I stayed at the YWCA for the first two days, because Cilli’s brother was also in town and he’s obviously higher on the priority list. It wasn’t too bad, but I’m not here to write hotel reviews.

Monday began with me getting lost trying to locate the studios. When I finally got there, I thought I was in the wrong place. I thought I was at a modeling agency or something. Turns out it was the Sydney Dance Company studios. I got changed and warmed up in the studio. It was a ballet class with CG. There was no pianist or CD, therefore a ballet class in silence. Good times.

The class was bearable. As I was stretching and waiting for rehearsals to start so that I could learn a bit about the company by means of observation, CG comes up to me and says, “Rehearsals are starting, mate. You shouldn’t be here.”

I shouldn’t be here? Now, what does that mean? Don’t call me ‘mate’.

Anyway, I realized I wasn’t wanted, so I left. There must have been a misunderstanding. Maybe they don’t understand the word ‘secondment’. The problem was that now I had too much time to think, and to feel like I was failing once again. I think there’s only so much failure one can handle before a breakdown is required. If it wasn’t for Ela and Molly, I would have definitely found an opportunity to jump off the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

It was easier once I moved into Cilli’s place. I continued to do the warm up class with the company. I thoroughly enjoyed Adam Linder’s improvisation classes. However, I knew I was wasting my time, and I needed to go home. I was feeling very anxious and mentally exhausted. I booked a flight home for Friday. So that brings me here to Perth, to the present day.

I’ve taken a break from dancing for a week now, and I think it has helped. I spent the week just hanging out at home, drinking tea, swimming, baking, watching rented videos and not thinking about dance. Now I just have to wait for the contract to arrive, so I can finally break the news publicly. I don’t want to jinx it.

Chapter 2 - Tasdance Visited

2009-09-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

As I sat in the departure lounge in Melbourne before boarding the plane to Launceston, I tried not to notice the flannel, the unnaturally red faces, scraggly hair, missing teeth and the accents. You know the one. I was surrounded, and I knew they were all getting on the plane with me.

Naturally, I made a big deal out of nothing. The flight was as easy and quick as any other Virgin Blue flight and there were no goats, sheep, cattle or poultry of any kind wandering down the aisles. Then came the ride into town on the shuttle bus, and that’s when I fell in love with Launceston. Rolling green hills, grazing animals, cute little cottages and chilly European weather. I felt like I was back in the UK.

Two weeks have gone, and I can say that I have had nothing short of a wonderful experience here in Tasmania. Maybe I should start with my primary reason for even venturing to this forbidden state, which is plagued with myths of two-headed people and evil rodents who take the name of the dark one. (I saw neither of these things, though I would have loved to see the latter).

Tasdance.

Unknown to myself, I had planned this secondment very well, because I got to spend a week with each of the choreographers that the company was working with for the season. Upon my arrival, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that they didn’t take any of the three boys from the audition but took two girls instead. It made me feel a little better about myself. The first choreographer was Francis Rings, who is an Aboriginal/German woman with the cutest baby in the world. Her style of working was a little unfamiliar to me, but I grew to understand it by the end of the week. It was also good for me to see how the company worked with her, how they responded and how much of themselves they gave in each rehearsal. Being a dancer is hard work. I’m sweating even thinking about it.

The second choreographer was Anton, whom I’ve met but never worked with before. He’s just a little ball of energy who just shakes up the whole studio. I was so happy to finally work with him. I’ve heard that he can be hard to deal with, but I didn’t find that at all. He never once made me feel intimidated (even though I felt totally hopeless at throwing my body all over the place), and he gave me so many helpful pointers and advice that will certainly aid my professional development. I was also glad to hear that I wasn’t the only one struggling with his hardcore movement. When I thought I was doing badly, one of the company dancers would mention that they were feeling the exact same thing. It’s just a style that needs getting used to.

The company itself is just full of loveliness. Every single person made me feel warm and welcome and just took me in like a mother cat takes its kittens. I found them to be very inspiring people, and just generally really dedicated and focused. I don’t regret coming to Tasdance one bit, and I hope I’ll be able to come back in the future.

I spoke to Annie, the AD, towards the end of my last week. Her verdict is that I’m a very good dancer and she was impressed with me but I’m a little too classical. So what else is new? I need some more experience, and some time to really find my contemporary body. At least she didn’t tell me that I’d never ever be a professional dancer. I’d rather be what I am than to be an average contemporary dancer who can’t do ballet. I don’t think you will ever be able to take the classical dancer out of me. It’s just part of my definition.

Now I move onwards to Sydney. More specifically, Sydney Dance Company.

There are other things that have happened in the past week that will greatly impact and influence the remainder of my year and probably my life. I feel like I cannot yet mention it here as it may bring me unfortunate luck if I start counting my chickens before they are hatched. There will be more on this soon.

Chapter 2 - Spanners

2009-08-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

Where has it gone? Time, I mean. I've just finished the third week of Soft Landing and I realised that it's been a while since my last post.

An update on Soft Landing:

Over the past three weeks, I've been in Canberra (yes, it is as boring as everyone says it is but I haven't had a disappointing experience) working with Mr. Brian Lucas and with the staff at the National Portrait Gallery and of course my lovely fellow Soft Landers: Jay, Ela, Laura, Julie, Anna, James and Hayley. We spent a great deal of time exploring the concept of portraiture and identity, and how to incorporate that into solo choreography work.

The first week was spent mostly in the QL2 studios, doing workshops and tasks and what not but also spending some time at the portrait gallery, picking the brains of the staff there and trying to learn how visual artists express themselves and how their identities play such a huge part in all of their works.

We had to choose a portrait that we wanted to respond to, and create a solo work on ourselves to perform in certain spaces at the gallery. I ended up choosing a self-portrait by Sidney Nolan, who is an Australian artist famous for his Ned Kelly series. My piece has turned out to be more of a self portrait of yours truly based on my responses to the painting and to my research of him as an artist and as a person.

We perform this coming week on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, so if you happen to be in Canberra at the time, feel free to come along and be astounded. It's free, so bring your friends as well. The works are all very different, and all very interesting.

An update on everything else:

I've applied for an invitation to the Dancenorth audition. I should know by next month if I've got an invitation or not. Otherwise, everything else is going to plan. Now, for the title story. Talking about throwing a spanner in the works, have a look at this e-mail:

Hi Keith,

As I promised, we haven´t forgotten about you. We have just begun our new season here and unexpectedly there have been some changes in the program. If you´re still interested to come and work with us we could offer you a 6 month contract. I know that it´s short notice, but I thought to ask you before we look any further.

Hoping that you you are still free and would like to come to us,

Best wishes,

Susan

Tanz Assistentin

Tanzcompagnie Giessen

What do I think? I don't know. What would you do?

I have e-mailed them back, asking for more information but I think everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be, then everything will fall into place. It's just a bit of a shock because my mindset has completely changed from the start of this year. In the wise words of Noodle Allen, "Decision making never ends."

Chapter 2 - Full-time Dance

2009-07-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

It’s all happening.

I am still unemployed (as of tomorrow), but I know that for the next two months I will be dancing full-time. In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that I applied for the Soft Landing workshop. I knew they were only taking 6-9 people, and when I didn’t get an answer on the 7th of July, I thought that my application was not up to scratch. I did, however, send them an e-mail asking if the unsuccessful applicants would be informed of their incompetence and the usual ‘good luck for your future’ message. I got a reply saying they had extended the deadline till the 17th of July (which was yesterday).

I got another e-mail from them last night and I am a successful applicant. Folks, I’m off to Canberra next month!

I’m excited to do a choreography-based workshop. I think it will be good for me to create something, and take my mind off the whole ‘I’m unemployed’ thing. The guy who is conducting the workshop is Brian Lucas, who is a dancer/actor who has worked all over Australia. I’m also relieved to know that I don’t have to rack my brain to figure out what to do for the next month.

The rest of my year seems to be panning out quite well:

3rd -30th August: Soft Landing 2 (Canberra)
31st-13th September: Tasdance secondment (Launceston)
14th-20th (and maybe longer) September: Sydney Dance Company (Sydney)
11th October: Melbourne Ballet Company audition (Melbourne)
12th-23rd October: Leigh Warren & Dancers secondment (Adelaide)

I think that’s pretty good for someone who has fallen over and needs to pick himself up again. If nothing comes out of this year, then I still have some secondments lined up for next year. I don’t know how long I will keep trying, but at this point giving up is certainly not an option.

Chapter 2 - Better luck next time

2009-06-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

I would love to say that my life has taken a turn for the better.

I’d rather not, because it will probably jinx me and something large and malodorous will fall on my head.

We are slowly approaching opening night here at the West Australian Ballet. We are on stage attempting runs in costume but according to the Germans we look like cheese splattered on a wall. Haha, I had to write that. It’s funny how every dance institution or company is exactly the same! Nobody tells you what’s going on. Why put a notice on the board saying we need make up on the day we actually need it? What exactly are we accomplishing here? Proving the fact that dancers are stupid and disorganised? We’re not, really. I promise.

Time goes by, and I’m almost at the end of the season, which means I need to find something to do after this is all over. I’ve applied for Soft Landing 2, which is a month long workshop in Canberra which focuses on choreography and the development process. It will be good because there are daily technique classes and I’ll be working with people in a similar situation to me. Plus, I’ve never been to Canberra and heard that it’s a rather exciting place. (BAHAHAHA!)

After that, the plan is to do a two-week secondment with Tasdance before going to Sydney to spend some time with Sydney Dance Company, where Mr. Richard Cilli is going to help me get seen by someone important. Who knows how long I will stay? Even I don’t know. By then it will be the end of the year and I will still be unemployed so I will try out for the Melbourne Ballet Company in October. It’s not much, but it’s better than sitting around moping and wishing for better luck.

Chapter 2 - Where are all the open doors?

2009-06-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

I finally got a call from Tasdance.

I won't be working with them end of this year.

After having so many doors close in your face (even if they are closed gently), it's hard not to stand in the middle of your living room, look at the ceiling, and sigh. What next?

Fortunately I'll be occupied with WA Ballet for another month and a bit, which gives me time to think about my next step. You know, I'm really open to suggestions. Giving up is certainly not an option and McDonald's is the last straw. I'm thinking of setting up a few secondments here and there and keep moving.

At least I know that they like me at Tasdance, and if another male contract comes up I'll be on the list of contenders. I doubt this will be the last time I hear from them. For all you know, the next time I do, I might have to turn them down because I am doing something bigger and better. Who knows?

I just need some ideas. Going overseas is very tempting, but I don't think I am in the best financial state to do that at the moment. Plus, I have to stay in Australia or it may jeopardize my chances of getting permanent residence here. What I need is a new show-reel and some new dance photos and headshots.

Why didn't I choose an easier profession?

Chapter 2 - You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out

2009-06-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am officially in Romeo & Juliet. Ivan spoke to me on Monday and told me he could offer me young artist's pay, which is excellent. I'm not that bothered about the money in the first place. Now I'm getting thrown into most of the group sections instead of lurking around the back of the studio trying to keep out of everyone's way. That was the good news. Now, most people would be happy in this circumstance (and I'm not saying I'm not) but now my obstacle is my visa. If I choose to work without a visa, they can kick me out of the country for 3 years, and that would put a black mark on me. I don't want that, do I?

I lodged a visa application about a month ago, and after my interview I was told I needed an Australian Federal Police clearance (I only provided a local one) and some statutory declarations to complete my application. So I sent in a form to the AFP in Canberra(!) and when I had everything together I sent it to the Immigration Office via Glynn who had it put in an envelope addressed to my case officer and all my details on it.

If I had been lodging this application in, say, India or Kazakhstan or Peru, I wouldn't have been so shocked when I called them up (yes, I called them) to find out that they had lost these extra documents. They were also totally unsympathetic and unhelpful. I know that they shouldn't make it easy for every Tom, Dick and Harry to enter the country, but this is ridiculous. However, being the understanding person that I am, I know that, unlike India, Kazakhstan and Peru, Australia has thousands upon thousands of applicants everyday, and mistakes do happen. Only I didn't expect it to happen in this country, and for them to have zero empathy and be so unwilling to help me.

Well, that's life for a non-Australian. If you're Australian and you're reading this, you can stop whinging right now.

I still haven't heard from Tasdance, but no news is good news, right? Right?

Chapter 2 - Free Labour

2009-05-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Work has begun, or should I call it free labour?

I have started rehearsals with the West Australian Ballet. The company is doing Youri Vàmos' version of Romeo and Juliet with the original score by Prokofiev. It is set in the 1930s and is a modern ballet. I am glad this is so. I would not be happy if it was classical ballet, and would probably not do it especially since I am not being paid just yet.

I finally spoke to Ivan today about doing the season, and he said he's still not sure because the company has no money, and since I am no longer a student he will have to pay me. Also there's another reason, but I feel that it is not my information to disclose. However, I expressed my interest in just learning the ballet anyway without pay. Who knows what will happen? If he ever needs a boy for any reason, the first person he will look for is me. I can't complain. Full time dance is what I need, and I can survive without the pay at the moment. He was happy for me to learn it.

I got an e-mail from Tasdance last night, saying that they are still interested in me for their next season that starts in August. I'm crossing my fingers and you all should too.

Chapter 2 - Que Sera Sera

2009-05-19T03:06:00.000-07:00

I wish I could turn back time.

I never thought I would have to do another audition for a long time. There was a sense of dread in my bones when I walked into the VCA studio for the Tasdance audition. There were about 100 people there, all wanting the same thing. It's times like these that I'm glad I have all those European auditions under my sleeve, because I could not have felt more calm and collected at an audition if I had not partaken in so many unsuccessful ones in Europe.

We were separated into two groups. There were a few WAAPA people in my group, but I had to leave Nantale and Serena in the other studio. They taught us two exercises, just to get us moving. It was the kind of movement that felt comfortable on my body. There were so many good dancers in the room, I began to doubt the possibility of being seen. Fortunately I was wrong, and I was chosen to stay and learn some repertoire.

Again, the repertoire sat well with my body, and I had no problems picking up the steps or performing them. However, a natural instinct that has developed in my brain decided that it would probably be over for me at the next culling process. I had never gotten past a second stage before so why should this audition be any different. Plus, my body is no longer at its peak of fitness and I was starting to get tired. To my shock, my name was called to participate in the final round.

I thought I might as well give it all I had. They taught us a really hardcore phrase with lots of elbow balances and movement that required a lot of arm strength. I admit that I struggled a lot, but I didn't give in and kept going. There was only so much more that they would make us do. The last group was full of tanks. I felt honoured to have made it that far, and I would have walked away a happy and satisfied dancer.

VCA was closing the door on us, so we waited outside the studio for the final verdict. They were only choosing three boys and three girls. My heart stopped when she called out the boys' names, "Danny, Keith and Adam." All I could do was nod my head in surprise. I am still surprised. So many auditions with no outcome. So many auditions being almost invisible. I was over the moon, and finally proud of myself after such a long time being disappointed. It was just what I needed. Something to motivate me to keep going, something to let me know that I am not as crap as I think.

I flew back to Perth rather content, but anxious about the phone interview.

I knew I could not escape it, and was preparing myself mentally for all the questions that I would be asked. I went over my answers again and again, and thinking myself a rather clever and collected person. I thought I would have no problems until I picked up the phone and my brain stopped working. I had forgotten all my oh-so-clever answers and witty lines to charm Annie off her feet. I don't even remember what I babbled about now, but it is over and I can't change anything that I have said. I just hope that I didn't say anything that would completely destroy my chances of working with them. That's why I wish I could turn back time. I would have written down those oh-so-clever answers. Oh well, what will be will be. Que Sera Sera.

I went back to WA Ballet today to do class, and Ivan was not there. I have to wait till next week to speak to him about being in Romeo & Juliet. I can't complain, at least things are picking up a little bit. I have a feeling that I am on my way.

Chapter 2 - Little by little

2009-05-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

After enduring a few weeks of emotional turmoil and constant worry about where my life is heading, I can safely say that things are starting to happen. I started taking classes with the West Australian Ballet as soon as I got the e-mail (see previous blog), and after a few days plucked up the courage to talk to the Artistic Director, Ivan Cavallari. I spoke honestly and described my situation to him. I did not seek sympathy or pity, but a job. I asked him if I could be a guest in their next season of Romeo & Juliet.

To my surprise, he was extremely generous and warm towards me. He said that he would do what he could and would let me know as soon as possible. Well, now it turns out that he does need some boys for the next season, but the company is currently on holiday and don't start back till next week. I left a message at the company to let them know that I, Keith Chin, will be in class on Tuesday with some expectations. (Even though Europe has taught me not to expect anything.)

I leave Perth for Melbourne in the wee hours of tomorrow morning. I am auditioning for Tasdance on Sunday, but with no expectations this time. I have done so many auditions by now, that I feel a rather seasoned auditionee. I don't know what will come out of this, but it is a good opportunity for them to see my face anyway. Auditions are also a great way to meet other people in the industry and I expect to see many familiar faces.

Things will look up soon. Noone lives in the dumps forever, and even those who do find some sort of happiness somewhere. Now where did I find this optimism?

Chapter 2 - The Lord giveth...

2009-04-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER II

Dear Keith,

I apologise that we´ve not been in touch to answer your questions but there have been some problems since you left.

I´m very sorry to inform you, but due to changes in the financial structuring of the theatre we are not able to offer you a contract for next season. These decisions are made out of my hands and the budget cuts concern the whole theatre.

I know this will be very disappointing for you, and if I see a chance to offer you something in the 2nd half of our season (from January 2010), I will contact you.

I wish you all the best, and hope that you are successful in finding another position.

Yours sincerely

Tarek Assam

Tanzcompagnie Giessen

I won’t lie. I was disappointed when I first read this. Who wouldn’t be?

However, I have had a couple of days to think about it, and I can bet that this blog would be very different had I chosen to write as soon as I got the e-mail.

Two words: shit happens.

The night this e-mail popped up in my inbox, my best friend was admitted to hospital. I had just come back from the hospital close to midnight and checked my e-mail. I’m not sure how I felt when I first read it. I wasn’t angry or upset or confused. All I thought was, ‘why me?’ I think the worst thing about the situation is not that I had lost my job even before it had started, but the fact that I was happy and feeling so secure about my life for just a few weeks. It’s the uncertainty that I dread the most.

It took me a day to get over it. After a long chat with my mum, and spending the day with two of my very supportive friends, I saw the brighter side of things. It’s time to get up and keep going. How lucky I am to get this e-mail on a Friday, so that I can have the weekend to get over it and get my spirits up. It’s time for chapter two of this particular part of my life. I can only move forwards from here. They don’t call me a go-getter for nothing.

Three words: bring it on.

Post Number 18 - Gießen

2009-04-06T03:42:00.000-07:00

There is a small handful of people, I’m sure, who would like to hear of my account back in Germany. I have decided out of the kindness of my heart to not hold this information from them any longer.

I have finally returned to Australia. Although I have been gone for 4 full months, I feel as though I have never left these sunny shores. How fortunate I am, then, that I have put in a little bit of effort to type this damn blog (which I considered to be something of a bother while on my journey).

I arrived in Gießen around 11pm, as one of the earlier trains had been cancelled. I was lucky enough to make the acquaintance of a young Irishman on my previous trip to Gießen and he kindly offered me a place to stay while I tried to make something of my future. As you read before, I have been nothing but unsuccessful in my endeavours to secure a job in Europe. Sure, I have had such a great experience (there is no doubt about that) and yes, I still had two months left before I had to leave altogether, whether or not I was fortunate enough for someone to see me through the endless number of European dance talent.

Truth is, I was tired. Tired and inevitably homesick. When Nat and I were in Gießen last, I was offered some hope, even if it was only a faint glimmer. Nothing was promised then, only that I could come back if I decided that I was really interested in working with the company. Even then I knew he was more interested in hiring Nat (and who wouldn’t be?) than me. However, that faint glimmer was the brightest thing in my dark horizon of opportunities. I would have been silly not to try to make something of it. At least.

I was invited by the ballet mistress to watch the company perform on the Sunday night. Naturally, I thought it a great idea. I needed to know what to expect, and what I was up against. Truth be told, it wasn’t all that bad. I was a little worried in the beginning, because I thought it was going to be a really ‘naf’ performance, but it improved as the show went along and it was actually quite enjoyable in the end.

The remainder of my stay in Gießen was spent doing class with the company. I was hoping and praying that this would be my very last audition on this continent for this season. How I missed home! I was almost desperate enough to change my flight without even thinking of the consequences (one of which would be that I would be jobless and feel like a total failure).

I will have you know that I was so tired that I had no option but to be myself. I couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to be better than I was. When I was given repertoire to learn, I learnt it to the best of my ability in the short time that I was given. When I was given the opportunity to show my partnering skills, I grabbed the bull by the horns (in this case, a lovely Bulgarian girl named Magdelena) and worked as well as I possibly could. When I did class, I worked as hard as I normally do in any class. I used the training that I have been given to impress the director. By Wednesday, I was pleased to discover that my efforts had been enough to clear haze that had been blocking my vision of my career as a dancer. Let me tell you that this haze was thicker than any haze ever experienced in Malaysia and it was growing thicker and more disappointing and depressing until now.

I was offered a contract! However, I have to be honest. I expected a full contract, not a beginner’s. I spent some time being disappointed over this but it dawned on me that I was being a fool. What an opportunity! What a stroke of luck! Finally someone had seen my potential, and my talent! I should have been so happy that I should have cried! What was I thinking? Who did I think I was, and what an ungrateful creature I must have been! Did I really have that much pride, even after being rejected left, right and centre? It was not long before I realized how stupid I was for thinking what I did. I guess part of it was due to the fact that some of my friends got full contracts and that I should at least be in the same league as them. I’m not, and I can proudly say it. Everyone’s journey is different, and I am more than happy about how mine is mapping out. Now I realize how lucky I am.

At this stage, in a time when the world is suffering an economic crisis, I, Keith Chin, got a job. (Let me also mention that Lauren Murray got an apprentice contract with the company in Dresden) When people are losing their jobs everywhere, I have one to look forward to in August. Plus, I have always wanted to live and work in Europe. I have everything that I want. What an idiot I was, I can hardly even comprehend it myself.

I boarded the plane back to London with a clear mind and a relaxed spirit. I spent a week in London before flying home. I did class at Pineapple Studios and met ‘the’ Mavin Khoo. It just so happens that he decided to do the same classes as me. I talked to him while in the changing room (not recognizing who he was), and mentioned that I was Malaysian. He was a little shocked and exclaimed that he was also of the same nationality. I couldn’t believe it when he told me his name. He is one of the few Malaysians who have made a name for themselves in the world of dance. He remarked that he thought well of my dancing and said to keep in touch. Who knows what this may lead to? Who knows what anything will lead to?

I certainly don’t.

END OF CHAPTER

Post Number 17 - French-speaking Switzerland

2009-03-21T03:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, Serena, it’s been a while.

So what has happened since my last blog?

Nat and I were auditioning in Geneva that weekend, so we decided to do classes in French-speaking Switzerland for a while. We did two classes with Bejart Ballet Lausanne, and one class with the Ballet Junior Geneva. I can’t find the words to describe our experience at Bejart Ballet. They were not cold towards us, nor were they overly warm and friendly. I guess they were lukewarm to us, bordering on indifference. Maybe if Nat was less amazing, they might have been cold.

I’m still struggling to find an opinion here. Okay, I hated it but I don’t really know why. The dancers are good, they all have nice bodies (anorexic, of course, but isn’t that supposed to be nice?) and the atmosphere in the class wasn’t a negative one. Lausanne is a nice place. Why did I dislike it so? It could have something to do with the fact that 98.9% of the company are smokers, and that they sit and smoke in the lunchroom where you are supposed to eat. It could be that. Or it could be the fact that it is too ballet for me and not really my style. In any case, I disliked it and will never even think of working there again. I’m sorry I am so vague, but the truth is I’m not really sure how I feel about the Bejart (or Gil Roman) Ballet Company. Ask Nat for her opinion, because I know she’ll have a few things to say.

Class with Ballet Junior Geneva was fun. The other dancers were not terribly strong, but they were all nice enough. The teacher was an American who spoke French (with an American accent), and she gave quite a good class. As I waited for Nat to get changed, the next class was beginning, and I was surprised to hear the same CD that Mark Brinkley uses. I quickly peered through the window and breathed a sigh of relief when I found out it wasn’t him.

So the day of the big audition arrived. We were staying with Sophie Meklons, who was one year our senior at WAAPA. Her dad is working in Geneva, so she’s over here taking a year off. Nyo Nyo and her friend from Taiwan arrived later in the evening. They were doing the audition as well. Clearly, the whole world was doing the audition.

So we woke up early to catch the bus to the theatre, which was easy enough. Instructions were given to arrive at 8am for registration. Much to my horror, I found out that the boys didn’t have to be here till 12:30pm. Organisation, anyone? Luckily for me, I had Jane Austen to entertain me. Some of the other guys just walked aimlessly around. Anyway, Nat was in the first class, and came out looking quite satisfied with herself. She didn’t get a callback, but I think she was just happy that it was over. They only picked four girls out of her group. Probably the ano ones.

300 years later, it was my turn to go in. The guy who gave the class was this super tall guy with amazing extensions. It was really audition-like. There was a panel of about six sitting behind a desk, and looking as if they didn’t give a shit. What can I say, I did a good class. I was on my leg, I used my artistry and used all the technique that I have been trained to use. I laughed at the other boys falling out of their six pirouettes, knowing that I had done clean triples. In the end, I don’t know what the panel thought of me and I personally didn’t really care. I just wanted to get out of there. I didn’t get a callback. This time they chose the really muscular guys. I don’t know when they will ever look for the short, skinny, narrow-shouldered, bent-legged guys with poise and grace and technique. Probably never, and I’m okay with that. It’s not the end of the world.

I never felt better. The sun was shining, the streets were bustling with people and crepe stalls. I found a new passport holder (my Flight Centre one was starting to look like the victim of a bombing) and I was free as the wind. To top it off, Nat and I had already planned our holiday for the next week.

It was bliss. We traveled to Nice, Monaco, Marseille, Bordeaux and Tours. We had excellent weather the whole time. We sat on the beach, watched sunrises and sunsets and just let the past two months fall off our shoulders with each gust of sea breeze. We wore flip flops outside, we ate ice-cream and socca. We had our petit dejeuner at cute little cafes and strolled through antique markets and talked of nothing in particular. It was just what we needed before Nat departed for the city that is Paris, and I went to another bustling metropolis called Gießen.

Post Number 16 - Avignon/Lyon

2009-03-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

We arrived in the south with such perfect timing.

My body has needed to crash and fall apart for many weeks now, and after the Danish Dance Theater audition I fell sick. Ants and other assorted insects crawled in my throat and lungs, and my head filled with a putrid green smoke which solidified to form sharp green pincers poking away at my temples. I constantly felt the need to lie down, my mind could function even less than it normally does (if that is even possible) and just walking around found me out of breath.

How happy I was to stumble out of a plane in Marseille! Natalie and I were speechless, we could only stand in awe and soak in the glory of the sun on our skin. I was ready to die and go to heaven. I cannot begin to describe how incredible the feeling was. I know you people in Perth are, like, ‘What are you talking about mate?’ but you just don’t understand! We were in the south of France.

We made this trip to participate in the Hivernales Dance Festival, a suggestion made by Serena. We had no idea what to expect. We were to find out how exclusively French it was. If you mentioned it to anyone outside French speaking countries, they would probably have never heard about it.

By the time we were organized enough to choose which workshops we wanted, they were all pretty much full except for the contemporary dance workshop with Charles Cre-Ange, which was a six-day workshop. It stated on the program that it was for dancers at an advanced level. It seemed interesting, even though we could only make out a little bit of the workshop description (our French is limited, you see). We settled that we would just do his workshop and make the most out of it.

Let me introduce to you the word that describes his workshop. Faf. Yes, faf. This word may be new to some of you. You probably won’t find it in the dictionary, but it is a word that definitely exists, especially for this particular workshop. F-A-F. I hope that by now you will understand that we didn’t do anything hardcore or outrageous or remotely interesting. By faf I mean we danced as though we were not even remotely interested in the art. Sure, we faffed around leading with different parts of our body and tried to make duos and trios with the other faffers in the class. I don’t know how much deeper I can go into this, because it will probably bore you to tears just reading about it. Let me tell you that it wasn’t the best kind of workshop to do when you’re not in an ideal state of health. But it is also the best workshop because not much energy or effort is required. Advice for anyone who wants to participate in Hivernales: book your workshops early and don’t choose the one we did.

To make up for the excellent and inspiring workshops (with the utmost sarcasm intended) the shows were awesome! Even the performance by Cre-Ange was really well done and creative. On the first night we had to travel west to the small neighbouring town of Arles to watch ôQueens (a body lab). It was a dance theatre piece, so Nat and I struggled to understand it when they spoke in French. Luckily, we met this awesome volunteer called Elsa who spoke immaculate English (she studied English literature and lived in New Zealand for a while) so she helped us out quite a lot. If we didn’t meet her we wouldn’t have been able to make it to Arles as we needed to get into a carpool that was organized by the festival. Anyway, ôQueens was really interesting. There were three British bulldogs in it, a crazy stripper lady with a million different zips in her jeans (and she never got naked!), an even crazier girl with hair down to her ass and dangerous black pointe shoes. There was also an old man who did most of the talking, and an opera singer in a balaklava. I didn’t understand most of it, but I enjoyed it for what it was and whatever dance that was involved.

The next performance was the one by Charles Cre-Ange. I actually really enjoyed the performance. There was some faffing involved, but there were also moments of such exquisite beauty. There was a girl in a blonde wig, who began in a white dress and red shoes, but changed her wardrobe several times during the performance. She even put on a wedding dress and a veil and spun around like a madwoman, it was great. However, on a slightly less positive note, I think he used a little too much repetition and it started to drone on and on about three quarters of the way through the performance.

Number three was a show called Black!...White? I could easily say that this was my favourite. It was clever, funny and entertaining. There was a whole section that was on the floor, but filmed with a camera from the top and projected on a screen. It was really enjoyable to watch and the dancing was really good too, My favourite part is probably the Bug Show. Ask me about it, hahaha!

The next performance was in the Benoit XII theatre, and it featured a work by choreographer Thomas Lebrun, entitled Switch. It was performed by four men who wore masks the entire time. What I really liked about it was that the performers were extremely masculine and rough, but they were also very precise and clean with their movements. It made for a very entertaining and inspiring performance. Nat said afterwards that the piece should go to Australia.

Our last performance was called Monsieur Zero, famous when dead? The choreographer had been a dancer in Pina Bauch’s company, so a lot of the movement I was able to identify with, especially after watching the company and also working with Michael. It was an awesome solo performance, which also included some weird singing and sticking his head in a pile of sand. We ended the performance with a chocolat chaud and a coffee. On the whole I was very satisfied with the performances. I was expecting them to be over the top and too avant garde, but I thought they were all very efficient and clever and ultimately very enjoyable. You already know what I think about the workshop, so I shall say nothing.

Lyon

We made our way up north to the city of Lyon. After an eventful (and non-eventful) train journey, we made it to the city. We climbed a mountain or two before we found our hostel, but after that everything seemed to go smoothly (apart from the fact that I almost burned down the kitchen by making soup). We managed to score a class with the Ballet L’Opera de Lyon, by repeating Kim McCarthy’s name several times. The studio is simply breathtaking. It is on the top floor with a massive glass window facing the city and the mountains in the background. I can’t describe it in words. It’s just too beautiful, did I mention big?? After class we watched them rehearse Mats Ek’s Giselle. I can’t tell you how jealous I was, and Ana Laguna was rehearsing them so I almost jumped out the window in envy.

Next stop is French-speaking Switzerland. There is a motor show happening in Geneva, so there are no rooms available either in Geneva or Lausanne. So now the two of us have to cope with living in Montreux for a while, we’ll just have to overlook Lake Geneva, that’s all. I can’t imagine it will be too difficult. I also managed to score us two classes with Bejart Ballet. I am so smart J

Post Number 15 - Berlin/Copenhagen

2009-02-22T06:16:00.000-08:00

The 4 days I spent in Berlin now seem like such a blur, even though it is only Sunday now. I met a very excited Noodle at Alexanderplatz about a week ago, and the two of us did class with this awesome teacher at a studio called Dock 11. My most treasured memory about his classes is probably doing tendus to a slowed-down version of Britney's Toxic. We also made the effort and paid to go into the German History Museum, the Jewish Museum and the Pergamon Museum. I know we barely even scratched the surface of the surface of Berlin's amazing museums, but we really did as much as we could! We only had 3 full days!

It wasn't long before we found ourselves on a plane to wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen! And wonderful is right. On some occasions, while walking around the city, I feel like I am in a fairlyland with the Tivoli Gardens and the Palais Cinema. I feel a certain fondness for this city, even though I have only spent the weekend here (which includes one day at an audition).

The Danish Dance Theatre audition. I was indifferent (a feeling I have developed over 7 other auditions), but Nat was energetic and enthusiastic which was something I was happy to feed off. We got in early, so we had a good amount of time to warm up and choose a good spot at the barre. (I made the wrong choice, naturally. I will describe this in detail in the next paragraph).

They told us at the start that they were not going to cut anybody after the ballet class (or warm-up barre, as it was) and that everyone would learn two pieces of repertoire. The barre that I chose was probably the weirdest one I have ever seen, and it started sinking halfway through the barre. In the end I had to do a centre barre! Also a silly girl in a pink top came in late and just stood behind me so that I could kick her in the nether-regions during the grand battement exercise. Haha, okay I didn't really kick her, but my number fell off and got stuck to her foot!

We learnt the first piece, which was rather wafty and lyrical. Something that I'm probably better at, but I didn't enjoy it as much as the one we were to learn next. In between, we had to do some improvisation for them to watch. Then we learnt the second phrase, which was a rough, more hard-core, Serena Chalker-style phrase. It was awesome! I didn't really care about getting a callback at this point. I was really enjoying myself!

We had an hour's break while the second group had to learn and show the second phrase. I allowed my body to cool down, thinking that this was the end, which is what all good things come to. When we went back into the studio it was cull-time. Surprisingly, my number was called first, followed by Nat's number. I was shocked, but nonetheless happy. It was good to finally be noticed.

The boys had to do some solo improvisation, and the girls had to do it in two large groups. Both Nat and I got cut after that, but we left feeling happy and our bodies felt worked for a change. Once again, the people who stayed were not the ones we expected. I think that Nat now understands that you don't have to be a great dancer to get a job. Some of them were just a tiny bit dodgy, for the want of better word. My theory is that they only kept the local people because they don't have money to hire international stars :P

Tonight we begin our long and tiring journey to Avignon via London and Marseille. South of France, get ready for it!

Post Number 14 - Germany/Arnhem

2009-02-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

I'll start where I left off:

The very next morning, Nat and I picked up our bags and made our way to Giessen once again. There we did a similar warm up class, but the artistic director watched more of it than the day before. After that, one of the company members, Eoin, taught us more repertoire so that we could show Tarek. We did it a few times, then we went into Tarek's office to have a chat. I shall leave it at that.

Feeling energized and worked, Nat and I treated ourselves with a trip to Cologne. We went on the walking tour, and not surprisingly went to the only museum we were willing to part with money to get in. That's right, the Chocolate Museum. Unfortunately we didn't actually get a whole lot of free chocolate. They give you a small piece when you begin and then you get a sample of melted chocolate on a wafer stick. It was a really interesting museum, though. It didn't just smell good, it was also educational.

The next day we went to Mannheim. I'd been invited to the Kevin O'Day- Mannheim Ballet audition, and of course saw it as an opportunity. Nat decided to tag along, just to get out of Mainz for a while and to see our friends Fang Ling and Nyo Nyo from Taiwan. Nyo Nyo is at the school in Mannheim, so we went to crash at her place.

The audition was great! I write this with sarcasm intended. Nyo Nyo and I got cut after barre. Fair enough; there were so many people there. What was slightly strange was the people that they asked to stay. Okay, let me just say this before I type my next sentence. I am in no way judging anyone or accusing anyone. I am just making an observation, and a pure assumption. They kept all the white boys and girls. The only two boys who didn't get cut after barre was my African-American friend, Serge and me. They took none of the Asian girls or the South American looking ones either. The dancers they kept weren't necessarily good dancers, but they just had lovely pale skin. Like I said, I'm only making an observation here. I dare not say anymore lest I start to ramble on about racial prejudice.

So after an unnecessary weekend, which included a wonderful day in Heidelberg, Nat and I went back to Mainz. We planned to stay in Frankfurt but it worked out to be quite costly and impractical. We did, however, participate in an improvisation class on the way back to Mainz. Half of it was spent talking, one quarter was a 'warm up' that didn't really do anything for me, which left us ten minutes of walking and squatting down as 'improvisation'. I was about to murder someone. What a waste of four Euros! We let off steam by taking a train to Wiesbaden for the rest of the day, which was rather nice. There, we experienced (from the window of a kebab shop) the most interesting ballet class we had ever encountered. Ask Nat if you want to know more.

The next two days were spent doing class in Darmstadt and exploring Stuttgart and Marburg. Class with the company was awesome with a capital 'A'. They had a guest teacher from France who made us dance. Shit, it was so good to get moving like that! Her exercises sat well with me and I just moved with every single muscle in my body. It was just what I needed after that weekend and the Introduction to Improvisation class. However, the company didn't have any contracts, so it was just a good opportunity to check it out. We made trips to Stuttgart and Marburg to use our German Rail Passes to their full advantage.

We didn't dance for the next two days. Instead we went to Aachen on the Thursday, and on Friday, Nat went to Berlin and I arrived here in Arnhem. I got an invitation to audition for Introdans. It was an awesome class, taken by the same teacher that we had at Scapino Ballet. I knew that the panel saw me and they were watching me keenly. I got a positive vibe from them, but they didn't call out my number. As I looked around at the other boys who got to stay for repertoire, I knew why. They were all tall and skinny. Again, not necessarily great dancers. They just happened to be blessed with long limbs. I guess it shows that you need a little more than just hard work to make it quickly.

You know, I have no problems with my height or my body structure or my skin colour. No problems at all. Other people might, and I won't fit into some companies but that doesn't mean I can't be the best dancer that I can be. Being short and stout means that I may have to work harder and push through a lot more pain and emotional stress, but then it is clear who comes out the stronger person. I am glad it is so difficult for me to get a job. I am overjoyed that I am a short, stocky, bent-legged Asian person. The reason for my happiness and gratefulness for these seemingly unwanted qualities is that I will learn and experience more that those tall-assed bitches ever will. Call it 'short person syndrome' if you like, I don't give a shit quite frankly. In the end, I will be able to take all kinds of crap and the 'lucky' people will crumble when it gets thrown in their face. Even now, I can just wipe it off and walk straight into the next one unfazed. That is my blessing, not my curse.

Tomorrow I leave Arnhem to go to Berlin. Onwards and upwards, short people!

Post Number 13 - Germany

2009-02-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Koblenz on a beautiful, sunny Monday morning. Having only slept for four hours the previous night, I struggled to appreciate it. I regret it now, knowing that to see the sun here is a very rare treat indeed. The theatre smelt old and muggy, and to be honest it was rather old and muggy (but in a very charming way). The artistic director of the ballet was downstairs sorting some papers out, so he lead me to the changing rooms and the studio (which was tiny).

I was tired, but I managed to pull off quite a fair class. I do like the company. It's very cosy, and all the dancers seem to get along with one another, and everyone seems to enjoy class like it isn't work. The dancers were beautiful, and I wondered if I would fit in. To my surprise, the director seemed very interested in me, and asked me for my CV. He told me he would call me once his premiere is over and done with, so that he could see me dance a little bit more and my partnering skills and all that. The company is quite a classically based company, but much too small to do the big ballets so it's mostly neo-classical. I can only push on for now and hope for a reply sometime soon.

By the time I got to Mainz to meet up with Nat again, I was about to fall over with the weight of my backpack and laptop bag. It was so good to know that I would be travelling with her again. It was so good to know that I could talk to someone other than myself. Saying this, I feel that I can be more extroverted when I need to be, and my social skills are improving somewhat. I'm not much of a people-person by nature, but I am finding the human species quite satisfying in small doses.

The next day I did a class with Ballett Mainz. I was so impressed at the technical brilliance that almost all the dancers possessed. Not many of them had the 'ideal' ballet height, but it just proves that you can still be amazing no matter how your body is formed, and I was comforted by this thought. That afternoon we used our time to sort out our schedules for the next few weeks, which will be very busy (and productive). I have an open audition almost every weekend, and will try to get as many classes as I can. There will also be the Hivernales Dance Festival that we will be attending in Avignon, which I am looking forward to!

This morning, Nat and I caught a train to Giessen. I managed to arrange a private audition with the company, and Nat decided she would like to come also. The ballet mistress is from New Zealand, but went to VCA and was taught by Nanette Hassall back in the day. It's so normal to have some kind of connection with every single dancer you meet. The dance world is so tiny. We did the ballet class, and the artistic director watched a little bit of it. After the class they asked us to watch rehearsal and learn a little bit of a solo. He said he would like to spend a bit of time with us tomorrow and then we would go from there. He seems really interested in Nat, hardly surprising. Tomorrow I will just give him what I have to offer, and if he doesn't like it I really can't do anything about it. Or can I?

Post Number 12 - Switzerland (again)

2009-02-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

After a long and and tiring journey (Stockholm-Berlin-Basel-Zurich) I arrived in Switzerland. It was good to be somewhere familiar for a change. I was back in Zurich feeling safe and surprisingly warm.

The next few days went by peacefully and without dramas. I was planning to have a hectic time in Switzerland, trying to organise auditions with Ballet Basel and St. Gallen. Unfortunately the receptionist at Ballet Basel is somewhat of a cow, and St. Gallen is going through some drastic changes so I decided to relax and have a bit of quiet time before I went to Bern to audition for the company there. I used my time to plan some things in Germany, where I will be heading next. After a long day sending e-mails, I managed to get 3 private auditions in Germany and an invitation to Ballett Mannheim's open audition. I rewarded myself with a ticket to see Slumdog Millionare.

I still did class everyday with the Zurich Opera School, which is just behind the Opera House. The teacher was a really lovely woman (who reminded me of my teacher from back home, Miss Adeline) who said I was a very intelligent dancer. It was nice to hear. Unfortunately, being intelligent doesn't always get you jobs.

On Thursday afternoon, I hopped on a train to Bern, the cosy capital of Switzerland. What can I say about the place? It's nice. Nice. There is no other word to describe it. I was soon to discover that everything in Bern is just nice. Nothing more. I did a ballet class in a little studio off Marktgasse on Friday afternoon. The teacher was a former principal dancer of Bern Ballet back in the day. He was so happy to have me in class, he refused to let me pay for it. I almost felt sorry. I watched Bern Ballet perform a triple bill. It was, well, nice. Not bad, but not breath-taking or inspiring in any way.

I went to the audition anyway. They were only auditioning men, so it was really good to make friends with a whole lot of boys. Most of them were very friendly and very chatty. I met some very interesting guys at the audition, and some amazing dancers. The audition class was taken by this tall older guy with beautiful extensions and feet. His exercises were quite strange and uncoordinated, but I did my best with it. It wasn't like any of the other audition classes. He seemed like he had something to prove, and maybe he did.

I was in the first group, so we had to wait till the second group had done their class before they made the first cut. It was a good opportunity for me to chat with some of the guys from the first group. Well, I got cut. But as I walked out of the studio, I realized that they had cut many of the really amazing ones too. The artistic director said that they were offering contracts to two men, but they had to dance the same way as the men they were replacing. What is up with that? So if I don't happen to dance like someone else, no matter how amazing I am, I get cut after a ballet class? If that is the case, why hold an audition at all?. How about just posting videos of dancers they want to replace with a heading: 'Not An Individual? Please Apply Here.'

I had lunch with two other 'individuals'. They were both Americans who had been working as ballet dancers in Europe. One of them was a bit older, and in a ballet company in Dusseldorf. He wasn't happy as a ballet dancer (even though he was a stunning classical dancer) and wanted to try out for contemporary companies. We swapped contacts and he is going to put me in touch with a dance union in Germany, where I can find out whatever is happening in Germany. What is really good about open auditions is the people you meet.

I didn't expect to get a job straight away. These things take time, and I need to get to know more people. It's difficult coming from so far away, and when nobody has seen you perform, to get a job straight away. My mother says to have patience. Something will come up when the time is right. I have learned through past experience to always listen to my mother. I know she will be right yet again.

So now I'm back in Zurich. I cancelled the extra night of accommodation in 'nice' Bern. Good thing I did that, because if I didn't, my friend wouldn't have pointed out that I was going to the wrong place tomorrow. I had planned to take a train to Koblenz, in Germany to do a private audition. I didn't realise my plans (I thought I did a pretty good job with them, too) would lead me to Koblenz in Switzerland! I don't have friends in Bern, and nobody would have pointed that out to me. I would have ended up in a small country town in Switzerland thinking I was in Germany. Strange how things fall into place, eh?

My German adventures begin tomorrow, but tonight I have to go to Basel and spend a night there before I catch my train to Koblenz, Germany. Not Switzerland.

Post Number 11 - Sweden

2009-01-25T10:29:00.000-08:00

Going back almost a week ago, I remember having a conversation with Nat while we were in Holland. We had just walked out of Lucent Dans Theater and she said that NDT was exactly where she wanted to be. She could just feel it and knew straight away. At the time, I just agreed, thinking I knew exactly what she was talking about. Only now that I have been in Stockholm I understand the feeling.

As soon as I stepped off the plane, I fell in love with the place. True, it is cold and icy and a little dreary but the atmosphere and the people are so warm! I haven't come across a local who has been bitchy, or abrupt or boring. I don't know if it was because I had just come from Brussels that I was feeling this way. I thought I would wait a little longer to see if the feeling wore off.

I did a ballet class at the Balletakademein in the city the morning after I arrived. It was a very good class, and the teacher gave me positive feedback. Then I headed into the centre of the city to do the walking tour that was set out by my travel guide. I got halfway through it before it got dark, so I decided to go into a cafe and read my book and relax a bit instead. I felt at home. Stockholm is where I belong. Being here makes Malaysia and Australia seem so unfamiliar, so foreign. I just feel so safe and sure here. I even started learning a bit of Swedish when I got home.

Oh yes, I am staying with a fellow dancer here. Her name is Lava Markusson. She is a friend of Jamie's (my senior at WAAPA) who offered me a bed to sleep in. She is such a lovely person, and her little apartment is almost as cute as she is. I am so thankful for her hospitality and kindness.

I arrived at the Riksteatern in Norsborg an hour before registration. The first group was still going. Cullberg Ballet. I have wanted to be a part of it for a while. I watched the videos on the website of their current repertoire, which made me want to be in the company even more. I was feeling ready and pumped. I was ready to show them what I was made of.

I have to admit that I gave it everything I had. I wanted it so badly, and I think it must have showed. Ana Laguna was one of the panel; I was star-struck. I even got to shake her hand! I was going to get her autograph, but I couldn't find her after the audition. Anyway, the audition was awesome! We did a ballet warm up, then we learned repertoire by Mats Ek and Johan Inger. I watched these pieces on the website that morning, and was glad that I did. The movement felt so natural in my body, I knew that this was what I wanted to do.

After the audition, we waited around for the panel to decide who was coming back the next day. I talked to a few familiar faces, people that I had seen at auditions and on my travels so far. Fang Ling, who was an exchange student from Taiwan was there as well (she got a callback). Met Nonoko from Japan, who was living in San Francisco but now looking for a job in Europe. Talked to an Aussie girl from Noosa, who was friends with one of the first years at WAAPA. It's so good to know how small the dance world is. In Belgium, I met a girl Juliette in a ballet class who used to dance with Singapore Dance Theatre and knows Pei Nee and Bryan. What a small little dance world.

The artistic director, Anna Grip, walked to the centre of the studio thanking everyone for coming, then read out the list of names which unfortunately didn't include mine. I was upset, and more disappointed. I thought that giving it everything would make them see how much I wanted it. I wasn't upset because of the rejection, but because I knew that I wanted it so much. I I tried not to let it get to me, but I had a pretty crappy night and stood in front of the Ben & Jerry's fridge in the supermarket for a while. Luckily I stopped myself from reaching for a tub of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. I knew I would get over it.

And I did. Today I woke up thinking differently about the situation. I did my best, which is what I should do at every audition. I learned amazing rep, by two geniuses. I shook Ana Laguna's hand! I got to come to Stockholm, and fall in love with it. I still have five more auditions to go and countless private ones. The best thing is that I got to meet lots of different people. Today I went to the Theatre Museum and the Museum of Modern Art, and watched Twilight. I feel great now, and will be leaving Sweden in good spirits for Switzerland. My next audition is with Bern Ballet this coming weekend. I'm also trying to set up a private audition with Ballet Basel and St. Gallen.

Bring it on, Switzerland. I'm ready.

Hej då Sweden, I will be back when you're ready for me.

Post Number 10 - Belgium

2009-01-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

I knew I would dislike Brussels as soon as I stepped of the train. The whole station smelt of human excrement and tacky ‘Greatest Hits’ music blasted from the speakers. Not a good combination. Then a welcome committee, just outside the metro station, greeted us. Middle Eastern men were shouting French profanities from a car, and as they drove off they threatened to slit our throats. Welcome to Brussels.

Just before we were murdered, James came to the rescue. I felt a little safer but then lost the feeling as soon as I saw the elevator at the apartment. It was a flimsy, ancient, wooden elevator built for three people, but we only managed to squeeze Nat and her backpack in. James and I walked up the stairs. He shares a very spacious apartment with his housemates Daisy and Linda who are very lovely. It was dark by the time we got there, but we made a quick stop to the grocery store so we could buy stuff to cook dinner.

By the end of the day, I still did not feel comfortable. There was something very disturbing about the place. I’m not sure what it was, but there wasn’t a very nice vibe. I went to bed hoping it would all be better in the morning.

To my disappointment, Brussels was just as ugly as it was the night before. Daisy, Nat and I did a contemporary class at a place called The Refinery. It was taken by one of a group of men called ‘the Slovaks’. They were indeed a group of Slovakian men who now live in Belgium and abroad. They are amazing dancers and performers, and his class was to leave me sore until now as I sit on the Thalys train to Paris to catch a plane to Stockholm. It was such a good class, and the phrase that we learned at the end was so much fun to do.

We spent the rest of our first day dilly-dallying around the apartment, much to my dismay. I don’t like being indoors when I know that I know nothing about the world outside it. I wanted to go and explore. Eventually we stepped outside onto the streets so James and Daisy could run some errands, then we went to eat pizza at a cute little café before going to the supermarket to buy things for the week. By the time we got home, it was time to go to Antwerp to watch a performance at Theater Bourla. It was an awesome show, and extremely professional. What made it even more enjoyable and impressive was the fact that all the performers had Down syndrome. They had more coordination than some people I saw in our contemporary class that morning.

The next day we went to a ballet class that was held at the back of a gym. The teacher was a grumpy looking old man who sat down most of the time. The other people in the class were all very beautiful dancers, some obviously professionals. It was great, especially after doing class at a place like Pineapple Studios. Halfway through the class, the teacher asked me in front of everybody if I was dancing with a company and how old I was. I said no. 21. He left it at that. Very strange.

We did the class with Maddie, one of Linda’s friends. After the class, the three of us had lunch together and she took us on a tour of Brussels (she lived there for a while, but now lives in Stockholm). We walked at least a million kilometers, but at least we got to see a prettier side to the city. There are some beautiful squares and lovely streets with cosy cafes and shops. It was nice, but not nice enough to rid itself of its murky atmosphere. I did manage to try a Belgian waffle (and almost walked away without paying, providing some amusement for the girls). We spent a quiet evening at home.

We went back to the same ballet class the next morning, this time without Maddie. The class was better than the day before, and at the end of the class he gave me some things to work on to help me make my legs straighter and work my legs differently. I was surprised at how good the information was, and he told me things that all my other teachers have failed to point out. Yes, even Diana.

Lunch was eaten at home to save some money, then we went back to Antwerp. I love Antwerp. It doesn’t have the sickly feel that Brussels does. And I don’t like it just because the streets are filled with designer stores, which people shop in as they would in Target. We explored a bit of the city, but our legs were far too sore to carry us very far. We made our way back to Theater Bourla to watch James perform. The company was performing Myth and it was wonderful! It was just the kind of performance that I enjoy watching and could engage with it the whole time. There were a good mix of people on stage: dancers, actors, singers and musicians and two of the performers we watched the other night. I’m so glad I managed to watch it. James is an outstanding dancer and performer, and in some ways it motivates me but it also made me realize that I definitely have a lot more work to do.

The work will start in Sweden, where I am headed now.

Post Number 9 - The Netherlands

2009-01-19T23:08:00.000-08:00

Day 1 – Tilburg

The day we flew to Amsterdam, we decided to call a list of companies that we wanted to do class with and possibly audition for. One of them was Anoukvandijk Dance Company. The company wasn’t rehearsing at this time, but one of the dancers was teaching in Tilburg, which was an hour away from Voorschoten, where we were staying. Her name was Angie Muller, and she gave quite a decent class. We also asked her about auditions and workshops for the company. I learnt a lesson that day. Don’t ask questions like that when there are other people in the studio. As soon as she started talking about auditions the rest of the class pricked up their ears.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in Tilburg, enjoying our typical Dutch lunch of smaak in bread. Doesn’t sound very appetizing, but it was actually quite nice. It’s kind of meaty and cheesy and mustard-y all at the same time. We got a set, which included the best tomato soup I have had and a potato salad for only 5.95€. We also found a lolly shop and a really warm and cosy café called Mugs and Muffins. I had a coconut hot chocolate, and it was amazing.

Day 2 – Den Haag

We managed to get a class with Nederlands Dans Theater. I was pleased, because I wasn’t going to be able to make the cattle call audition because I couldn’t get a flight back in time, unless I forked out over 1000 USD. There we met Lauren Murray, also a WAAPA graduate who had just done a private audition with the junior company, NDT II.

We did class with the main company, but then went upstairs to talk to Linda de Boer to see if we could get a private audition and she said yes. I was very happy, because I would now have the chance to audition. Nat was also very happy, because she wouldn’t have to do the cattle call.

We spent the rest of the day in Den Haag, bumping into Lauren yet again. She explained her schedule to us and I nearly fainted. She was literally running from one place to another without stopping, eating or sleeping. I thought my schedule was hectic! I’m not sure whose schedule is more effective, hers or mine, but I know which one I’d prefer to follow. Mine.

Day 3 – Den Haag/Rotterdam

We arrived at NDT at 8:30am for class with NDT II. I was stressing out about my solo. I hadn’t danced it since October and wasn’t very prepared. Gerard Tibbs, the artistic director of NDT II watched us in class and told us that he would look at our solos in two hours. I was relieved, because we managed to steal one of the studios and do our solos a few times. When the time came to show our solos, I had gotten over my nerves and I thought we both did a good job.

After lunch we decided to head to Rotterdam to watch I Solo Ment , a new work choreographed by Anna van de Broek. I didn’t like it nor hate it. Some parts of it worked, and some parts of it were just downright boring and/or irritating. Nevertheless, it got a standing ovation. I didn’t jump on the bandwagon.

Day 4 – Rotterdam

I’ve always been quite interested in Scapino Ballet Rotterdam, and when I managed to get us a class, I was rather pleased. We did the class at 10am, but they did warn us that nobody would be in to watch us, and private auditions were near impossible. I won’t be able to make the cattle call because I will be doing the Cullberg Ballet audition. It was good to have a look in any case. I did really like it, and I would consider working there at some point. We will see how things go.

We mustered up the energy to walk around Rotterdam a little bit and even visit the art museum there. They had two excellent exhibitions. One featuring a brilliant artist named Charley Throop, and one relating to the scholar Erasmus. Many of the permanent exhibitions were closed due to renovations, which was a bit disappointing.

We headed back to Den Haag to have dinner with my friend Chelsia from YKLS, and some of her colleagues from work. We went to this cute little restaurant that had the best ribs in Den Haag. They were certainly very good, and the dessert made you feel like exploding just looking at it.

Day 5 – Amsterdam

We couldn’t resist it. We had nothing planned for the day, and since we already had a very productive 4 days, we thought we would just go to Amsterdam to have a look around and visit a few museums. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see much of the city, because we spent most of our day in the museums (Van Gogh, Rijksmuseum, FOAM, Museum Van Loon and one I can’t even spell) and it was too dark by 4pm to see very much. Noodle almost lost her wallet, but we managed to find it at the Rijksmuseum, where it had fallen out of her bag while it went through the scanner. The staff found it and went round looking for a blonde girl. Too bad for them, she is now a brunette.

As we walked along the canals towards Waterlooplein, we saw some posters advertising dance of some kind. Turns out it was Ballet Opera Lyon performing William Forsythe’s Limbs Theorem. We could get tickets for €15, so we bought them. Our justification for our decision was the fact that we were in Europe to see what was happening in the dance scene and to learn as much as we can while we are here. I have no regrets whatsoever. The performance was amazing. The dancers inspired me and they deserved the standing ovation that they got.

Unfortunately for us, our time in the Netherlands had come to an end for the time being. We are paying a visit to the neighbours: Belgium.

Post Number 8 - Paris/London

2009-01-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

I don’t like to make excuses, but the reason for my infrequent (or nonexistent) updates is that I have been very busy and that is the honest to goodness truth. In the time between now (I’m on the train to Brussels) and when I last blogged, I have been stalked, almost hit by a garbage truck, done a private audition and spent a good two weeks with Ms. Natalie ‘Scribbly Gum’ Allen. I should probably start where I left off, back in Paris.

Paris

I had just moved from Philippe’s apartment to Olivier’s house in Courbevoie. A few of the French crew from Sunny Et L’Elephant came over to have dinner. Even Jean-Pierre was there. It was really lovely seeing them all again. Everyone was the same, and it didn’t feel like we hadn’t seen each other in two years.

I agreed to meet Noodle at the airport. Her flight was scheduled to arrive at 6am on the Monday, which meant I would have to catch the train at 5am to get to the airport on time. Luckily Raphael (Olivier’s son) advised me to check the airport website to see if her flight had been delayed. Turns out it had (by an hour and a half) so at least I could have an extra hour of sleep.

I arrived at the airport about 5 minutes before Noodle walked out, stressing out of my mind in the train because I thought I was going to be late. The trains from Courbevoie are very inconsistent and even more unpredictable, so I didn’t actually start moving until 6:30am, knowing I still had 3 other trains to catch. Anyway, after 4 stressful train journeys I got there right on the nose. Noodle walked out of the arrival gate looking a little disheveled, but alive.

I always knew that Noodle would have a large impact on the world of dance, but I never expected her to bring the largest amount of snow Paris has had for 20 years with her. It snowed the whole entire day. By the end of the day, Olivier’s back yard looked like it had just been doused in icing sugar. “Very rare,” said Olivier in his lovely French accent.

I took Natalie for a walk in the city, and showed her as much as I could. It wasn’t so cold but the snow kept getting in our eyes as we walked. She had never seen snow before this, so she chose the best day to arrive. The very next day we felt the chill radiating of the snow on the ground which had now gone hard and incredibly slippery (or ‘slippy’ as the French describe it). It was probably the coldest I have ever felt in my life. The wind was so icy and it caused our faces and fingers to go numb. Several times we had to duck into cafes just to feel our fingers again. Apparently it has been the coldest winters Europe has had for a very long time.

Pina Bausch

We had made arrangements to spend some time with Danstheater Wuppertal Pina Bausch when they performed at the Theatre de la Ville in Paris. We were to spend three days with them, doing their warm up class and watching rehearsals. The classes were taken by Ernesta Corvino, from New York. I was expecting to do classes somewhat like Michael’s (our teacher at WAAPA who helped us organize this secondment), but they did a ballet class every morning while we were there.

On the night of our first day, the company was doing a formal dress rehearsal. People were invited and given free tickets. Naturally, we asked for two tickets. One for Natalie, one for me. “We’ll see what we can do,” was the initial reply. We ended up with six tickets! If we had friends to give the four extra tickets to, it would have been fine. I tried to ask my film friends, but all of them were busy.

In the end, Rapahel and his mum, Corine (an award winning costume designer for movies) decided to come with us, so at least only two of the tickets would go to waste. Or so we thought. When we were standing in the crowd outside the entrance to the theatre, a man asked if we had a spare ticket. He was very pleased when we laughed and gave him two. The performance was thoroughly enjoyable. I was mesmerized the entire time, and to my surprise Raphael and Corine loved it. Natalie was still severely jet-lagged, so she was unable to comment unless she had at least ten hours of sleep.

The three days passed like a sneeze. Before we knew it, we were on a flight to London. The only thing Pina Bausch said to me was ‘hello’, and not even in English. I wasn’t disappointed, though. How could I be? I was in Paris dancing in the studios at the Theatre de la Ville with amazing professionals! I left Paris feeling very satisfied and motivated.

London – Retina Dance Company audition

We were in London literally for the weekend. We arrived at the Greenwich Dance Agency to register for the audition at about 10am. Nat was able to change her audition time to 11.45am instead of the 1.30pm one. There was no real space to warm up, so we took some yoga mats and just waited outside the studio. There we met Helen Duncan, who was in third year when we were in first year at WAAPA. She is now living in London, also trying to find dance work. When we finally got in, there were just over 50 of us. We did a warm-up, a traveling phrase and then we learned some material from their work, Antipode. I didn’t manage to get a callback, but Natalie did. We went to watch English National Ballet that night. They were performing Manon. It was beautiful, but it went for too long and we had to leave at the second interval because Noodle had to be in Sadler’s Wells the next morning.

When she came out of the callback audition (she got cut after the third round) she said she wouldn’t have been able to fit into the company because the dancers they were looking for were very rough and raw. I figured I may have been too polished and clean for them, because I noticed the people they called back (apart from Noodle) didn’t look like they had a lot of training. I suppose every company is different, and they all want different things. Whatever works best. It just wasn’t the company for either of us.

When Nat went to do the callback, I tried to get in to do the technique class, so that I could just do a bit of dancing. As expected, they said no so I went to go and sort some things out. As I was walking innocently along, I noticed this guy seemed to be following me. He got quite close to me at one stage. Close enough to stab me or grab my bag. He did nothing. He just kept walking. When I stopped, so did he. I was a little disturbed and scared even though I was on the main street full of people. I knew he was following me because he kept trying to make eye contact. I tried walking faster, but he did the same. Then like a miracle I walked to Trafalgar Square, where there was a protest going on. It had something to do with Jewish people, but I was thankful for them and it didn’t really matter who they were at this point. I lost my stalker.

I picked Nat up from Waterloo station and we had lunch at Southbank before heading home and preparing to go to the Netherlands. Let’s go Dutch.

Post Number 7 - Paris

2009-01-04T08:32:00.001-08:00

It occurred to me that I have been in Europe for slightly more than a month now. How time flies. My WAAPA years feel like a distant memory. Did I even go there? It also occurred to me that I have been alone for slightly more than a month. I have spent time with some of my friends here, and I truly appreciate it when I can walk down a street and talk to someone else and not to myself. I have spent more time alone than with another person. It will change tomorrow, because Noodle is arriving! I will pick her up from the airport tomorrow at 6am. Only God knows how I will get there at that time, but everything always works out in the end.

I didn't get to do any dancing today, because it's Sunday and the number of classes are limited. I choose instead to go to

Number 5: Musee d'Orsay

Today is the first Sunday of the month, and that means all the museums are free of charge to enter. In order to beat the queue, thinking that my pass won't save me now, I aim to arrive at the museum 15 minutes before it opened. When I got there, the line was already 600 people long. I am almost defeated, until I turn to my right to see a family of four waiting at another entrance. I go to that entrance, and show the ticket man my pass. He says to join this line, which is called the Priority Access line at Entrance C. Once again, the pass saves me waiting in the line. I am the 5th person in the museum that day! The Musee d'Orsay displays art from 1848 - 1914, pre-, post- and Impressionist art. I am astounded at the collection in this museum, that houses work by Degas, Monet, Van Gogh, Whistler, Manet, Rodin, Picasso, Renoir, Delcroix and Carpeaux to name a few. I spent a good 3 hours there and pored over the paintings and sculptures. I'm such a sucker for good museums, and Paris has good museums. I am looking forward to Amsterdam. I know I sound like such a bore, but I'd rather spend my money on looking at and appreciating art than on alcohol, drugs or sex. On a slightly more disappointing note, the audio guides were a bit boring and not very engaging. Good information, but it was the way they put it.

After that, I tried to go to Saint Chapelle, but the line was incredibly long and I couldn't use my magic pass. I must have used up all the luck on the card. I did, however, go into

Number 6: Conciergerie

to look at the prisons, and the cell that Marie Antoinette was imprisoned in before her sentence. There wasn't much to it but now I can tick it off my list. I think the rest can wait until I return to Paris. I don't know when exactly this will be, but I am sure I will return.

After that I went to the Place de la Vouges, which is a park in the midst of the Jewish quarters. Philippe's girlfriend told me about it, so I thought I would go and have a look around. It was certainly very nice, but all the shops were way out of my budget. It was nice to have a walk around anyway.

Now that I have all this time to read, I have been plowing through my books faster than I imagined I could. I've already finished five books, and my sixth quickly runs out of pages. I went to the English language bookshop in Concorde and budgeted 10 euros for a new book. It was hard to find a good book within this budget but I eventually found When We Were Orphans by Kazuo Ishiguro. I loved his Never Let Me Go, and apparently this one was shortlisted for the Booker Prize. Plus it was only 8.50 euros, so I bought it. Whew!

I met Philippe's girlfriend yesterday. She also works in films with a company called Mk2. She knows someone who works with Ballet Preljocaj, and said she would try to put me in touch with them. Finally, someone who knows someone! We'll see how this goes, it might very well be another opportunity for me.

Post Number 6 - Paris

2009-01-03T11:29:00.000-08:00

I thought I should take it a little easier today since my body was quite sore from last night's class. I want back to the Centre de Danse du Marais to do a barre au sol classique. It turned out to be a very challenging floor barre (that lasted an hour) and then a little bit of a barre. If that class doesn't open up your hips, nothing will. It was taken by a stern looking, middle aged blonde woman named Anne Le Pord. She, too, pushed me really hard, not satisfied with the height of my legs even though they were going higher than any of the girls in the class. Either they expect more from me or they're just being picky because I'm a foreigner. I hope it's the former.

Class finished close to 1pm, and I was worried that I was not going to be able to accomplish my goal of seeing 2 museums because of the time. In the end, I visited 3 museums with plenty of time to spare:

Number 2: Musee Rodin

Once again, with my pass I walked past a long line of tourists with a smirk. I decided to get the audio guide, so I wouldn't be just staring blankly at the sculptures and paintings. What a museum. It had none of the grandeur of the Louvre, nor the crowds for that matter. It is inside of the cosy, but worn out Hotel Biron. Each room represented a theme or a stage in Auguste Rodin's life. There is also a room dedicated to Camille Claudel, who was a student of Rodin's. I enjoyed the tour of the museum very much. The audio guide was incredibly insightful and pointed out things about the sculptures and paintings that I wouldn't have noticed otherwise, since I don't know much about art or its history. I know, I really wish I had more knowledge. However when I got to his sculptures of dancing people and the audio guide said he was influenced by Lois Fuller and Isadora Duncan, I was glad I knew something. At least.

Number 3: Musee Picasso

I got through the whole of Musee Rodin in an hour. It wasn't a big musem, and the gardens were not that big either. I jumped into the Metro and went to the Musee Picasso. Even the entrance of this museum was interesting. It was covered in square, coloured glass panels, and there were mirrors on one side of the building to create a very interesting illusion. Going in, I felt I was in one of those Hall of Mirrors at a fun fair. I got more and more confused the deeper I got into the museum. It felt like I was in one of Salvatore Dali's paintings, going up stairs and stepping through narrow corridors. The paintings and sculptures were exactly what I pictured them to be. I'm not his biggest fan but I really like his work and the fact that he is such a funny man. My favourite painting was The Kiss.

Number 4 : Centre Georges Pompidou: Musee d'Art Moderne

The building itself is very intriguing. I remember stumbling across it earlier in the week and wondering what the hell it was. It looked like a huge warehouse of fun! Escalators running down the side of the building in glass tubes, the loud colours and just the size of the building will catch your attention without a doubt. I found out what it was, and I figured I might as well have a look now since I am ahead of schedule. If I had to compare Pompidou and Tate Modern, I would say I prefer Pompidou. It is just set out with such style and elegance, even though both have excellent collections. At Pompidou you feel like you are in a very high class hotel, even though there were so many people there. At Tate Modern, you feel like you are at a museum. I walked through all the rooms and exhibitions on the 4th and 5th floors, but I was so tired so I didn't bother to go up to the Futurism exhibition. I loved the audio guide at Pompidou! With some of the works you could choose to listen to Andre and Sarah argue over it. Hahaha. "My son could do that!"

Next on my list is Musee d'Orsay and if I have time:

Saint-Chapelle

Les Arts Decoratifs

Conciergerie

Pantheon

We'll see. I still have 2 days left on my pass.

Post Number 5 - Paris

2009-01-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

I did my first official ballet class in 18 days. That sounds so bad, and I feel like such a slacker.

Last night I set up a plan for the next 3 days before Noodle arrives. Firstly, so that I would have something to do and I also wanted to do some dancing and go to a few of the museums here. There are over 60 places to visit, so I thought I should start with the more important ones.

Number 1: The Louvre

I left the house at about 9:30am and took the Metro to Hotel de Ville. I walked to the Centre de Danse du Marais, to do a ballet class at 11am. Unfortunately there was no class because the teacher was still on holiday. I decided to come back at 7pm for another ballet class, which would then give me more time to spend at the Louvre.

Naturally, I chose the wrong time to go to the Louvre. When I walked out of the Metro station, I stood aghast for about 20 seconds. The line leading up to the famous Pyramide was about 5000 people long. It wasn't one of those polite, patient lines either. It was a pushy (mostly Italians, I noticed, as I walked down the line) and a rather impatient line. For a moment, I was contemplating running away or striking a grenade; then I remembered that there is an easier way to get into the museum. If you go downstairs to the Carousel du Louvre, you can buy a Museum & Monuments Pass which gives you easy access into over 60 places in and outside Paris. I highly recommend it, especially if you are willing to dash from one museum to another. I am probably paying more than I would if I just bought regular tickets, but it saves me about... let's see... 3 hours?

As I strolled (it took me about 2 minutes to buy my Museum Pass and enter the museum) into the Louvre, once again I stared in amazement and the amount of people inside already. There were thousands. I pushed my way through the crowds (I felt a bit rude, but you gotta do what you gotta do) and entered via the Devon galleries. Wrong move. You know why? That's where the 13th-18th century Italian paintings are. Yup, the friggin' Mona Lisa.

As I grew more and more angry about my day, I thought that I might as well go and look at the woman. Personally, she's okay. Her smile failed to intrigue me. It's pretty much the same as looking at it on your computer on Google, only you don't have to look over a million heads trying to catch a glance and the overrated painting. Seriously overrated. I could hardly see it with all the camera flashes (which you are not supposed to use). I saw some stunning paintings in that museum, twice as beautiful, just less publicised. Don't get me wrong, I think Mr. Da Vinci is a genius, but I guess I'm not like the other tourists. I don't have to prove I was there.

After a while I got tired of pushing past hundreds of people, so I went to the less popular galleries, which still displayed the most amazing collection of paintings and sculptures I have ever seen. Just to think that I was walking among works by Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Monet, Reubens, Vermeer and other really cool people just thrilled me. I loved the Cour Puget and the Cour Marly the most. It was once a courtyard, but now it is covered by a massive glass dome so the courts are filled with natural light. Being there among the French sculptures put me at ease. There is something about museums that I love. I know I may sound like an old man, but I love the calmness (except for the room with you-know-who) and the serenity of just sitting and looking at art and trying to work out a story to the work or getting inside the artists' heads. If you are ever in Paris, this is one place you must visit.

After about 4 hours, I couldn't take any more paintings or statues so I left. The next time I go there, I will get an audio guide. The people I saw with them looked like they were having more fun. I didn't get one because it cost 6 euros and there was a long line. I walked along the River Seine until I got to Hotel de Ville and had a look inside. It is now a huge shopping centre that sells pretty much everything for the home.

I arrived back at the dance school for the 7pm class. My body was in no shape to dance, so I made sure I had a thorough warm up before class started. Naturally, I chose the wrong class to attend. It was quite awkward and very school-like. Very much like the first ballet class I did in London. It was taken by Frederic Lazzarelli, who was a nice but eccentric character. He shouted a lot; not in anger but just to push us. He shouted until his face turned red. I had no idea what was going on and had to work out what he was saying by his gestures. He pushed me really hard, telling me to lift my leg higher and turn out more. The floor was also very hard, so when it came to jumps I found it almost impossible. I also probably lacked the stamina because I haven't lifted a finger for almost three weeks. I've been doing sit-ups and push ups every day, but I just haven't done any cardiovascular exercise.

He spoke to me after class and said that I did very well and wished me luck with my career. He asked me which company I was from, so I was quite flattered. Does this mean I am company standard?

Pina Bausch starts on Monday! Well, it might be Tuesday because I may have to collect a tired little girl from the airport.

Post Number 4 - Paris

2008-12-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

It took me 11 hours to get from London to Paris, and only one of those hours was in the plane.

I had to leave early, and I didn't want to trouble my cousins yet again so I stuck out my chest and took the night bus (well, 2 of them) to Marble Arch. It was surprisingly easy in spite of it being only 3.30 in the morning. I got there 1/2 an hour earlier than expected, and as soon as I stepped off my bus, the Green Line coach to the London Luton Airport arrived. I was going to catch a later one, but I decided to hop on anyway. It was either that or stand in the cold. At this point I was thinking to myself, "My day is going well, isn't it?"

I thought too soon. As I entered the check-in lounge, I noticed that my flight was delayed slightly more than an hour. There I was, half an hour early in a rather cheery mood which turned only slightly sour within a few seconds. I checked in anyway and went through the tedious security check (laptop out, boots off, belt off, just take everything off why don't you?) to the departure lounge.

I must admit that London Luton has a nice departure lounge. It's not massive, but you have access to all the food you could possibly want, and if you wanted you could go shopping or go to the video game arcade. Unfortunately I wasn't really in the mood for any of this. I just wanted to get on the plane and go to Paris. Trust me to choose to fly the day that every man and his dog decides to fly as well. There were no places to sit for a long time, so I just stood behind this old lady and farted. She soon left and I took her seat. Okay, I didn't really do that but I did manage to get a seat after about an hour.

I tried to read my book as slowly as I could. I didn't want to finish it, because I didn't know when I would be able to find another English book easily. After about what seemed like eternity, we got the call to board the plane. Apparently one of the pilots was sick, which was what caused the delay. I don't know the details. I was really more tired than impatient or pissed off. All I know is that I wasn't in the best of moods.

The flight was really quick. We literally started landing about 20 minutes after the seatbelt signs went off. Going through immigration was startlingly quick and almost unnecessary. After a quick glance at my passport, the immigration officer threw it back to me and nodded for me to get out of the way. That was it. No stupid questions, no stamp, no nothing! It was almost insulting. Haha.

So I landed without a hitch. The next step was to get into Paris from the airport. I read that the cheapest way to travel around Paris is with the Carte Orange, so I had to walk all the way to the train station and join the longest queue in the history of queues. There were probably about 100 people in front of me, and there were only 3 counters open. Good thing I read my book as slowly as I could because it took more than an hour till I got to the counter. Anyway, don't go asking for a Carte Orange anymore. It has been replaced with a new system called NaviGo. It's a little bit more expensive (and by that I mean it's twice the price) than the now obsolete Carte Orange, but it is so convenient! I laugh at all the people getting in line to buy tickets as I just stroll through the gates.

I got on the RER train into the city and then took the Metro (which is the Underground) to Pont de Neuilly, where I will be staying with my friend Philippe. I got a little bit lost, so I trusted my feminine side and asked for directions. Luckily I didn't walk that far trying to be a man, because I was going in the opposite direction. Well, I got there eventually and it is a beautiful apartment. Old and exquisite and full of things that he has collected from all over the world.

I went for a stroll down Avenue Champs Elysees and looked at the Arc de Triumph. I didn't want to go up because I wasn't really in the mood for any more queues. There was even a queue to get into Louis Vuitton. Haha. Well, I made it here. I made it to Paris.

Bonjour.

Post Number 3 - London

2008-12-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

The Christmas/New Year period is coming to an end (thank God), and the expedition is about to start. I'm bracing myself for a very bumpy journey, but I will get to my destination eventually. Unfortunately, I don't know where my destination is.

However, I do know that I leave for Paris tomorrow, and in a week Natalie aka Noodle Allen will be joining me in my quest. You need to have as many warriors as possible, especially when in need of moral support. I have a positive feeling about the next 3 months. Here is a line up of auditions that we have so far:

1. Retina Dance Company - 10th/11th January in London (yes, I have to fly back for the weekend)

2. Cullberg Ballet - 24th/25th January in Stockholm (if I get a callback, I will miss the NDT audition)

3. Nederlands Dans Theater - 25th January in Den Haag

4. Skanes Dance Theater(?) - 7th/8th Febuary in Malmo (still awaiting a reply)

5. Danish Dance Theater - 21st/22nd Febuary in Copenhagen

6. Grand Theater du Geneve - 7th March in Geneva

Not too shabby, I think. In between those auditions, we will go to companies and workshops that we are interested in and try to get into the European dance scene. It will be a dark and perilous journey, but in the end the brave and strong will fulfill their goals and complete the quest! Hahaha! We might try to destroy The Ring while we're at it.

I want to go to the beach :(

Post Number 2 - London

2008-12-13T09:17:00.000-08:00

Rambert Dance Company

A day after I got back from Zurich, I called the Rambert Dance Company to see if I would be able to attend one of their company classes. They were extremely friendly and said yes. However, they also let me know that there were no contracts available at the moment, but I thought it would be good if they saw my face, and saw how I danced just in case they need a male dancer in the future.

I made my way to Chiswick the very next morning and I arrived at 9:30am for the 10:15am class. The building is quite old, but very well maintained and very warm and cosy. The studio isn't massive, but big enough for the company. I was greeted and accepted very warmly. All the company dancers gave me a smile and a 'hello!', something that you would not expect from a ballet company.

It felt so good to be there. Everyone was smiling and laughing, and there was no show-off business. I felt so at home, and looking at the other guys, I noticed they were all about my height, and of similar builds. It just felt so strange to be in such a friendly dance environment. The ballet mistress was equally warm and friendly. She didn't look me up and down in a discriminatory fashion like so many other ballet masters/mistresses have done. I was immediately put at ease and I managed to do a very good class. At the Zurich Ballet audition, all the ballet masters were really bitchy looking and they looked at you as if you were scum. What is it with ballet people?

We did a ballet warm up class. That's all it was, it wasn't fancy or tricky, it just got you warm. Mark Baldwin, the aritstic director, came to watch class. I'm not sure what he thought of me, he seems like the kind of person who is very hard to read. At the end of class, I talked to the ballet mistress and she repeated that they didn't need any male dancers at the moment. She said to keep in touch, and keep an eye out for auditions. She said she would be happy to get an application from me if anything comes up. That was really good to hear.

On another note, I called up the Akram Khan Company as well. Apparently they are looking for Chinese dancers. Finally, my race may get me somewhere! They asked me to send an application, so I will do that on Monday and hopefully I will be invited to the audition workshop. I also applied for Retina Dance Company, Danish Dance Theatre, Norrdans and Club Guy & Roni. More updates soon.

Post Number 1 - London/Zurich

2008-12-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

Finally I have some consistent internet connection, so I can post my very first blog in Europe. Well here are some updates from my trip so far:

London

So I arrived at 6:30am on Monday the 1st of December. Freezing cold and alone, there was noone to pick me up from the airport. After being interrogated by customs (Malaysians are notorious for overstaying), I wasn't in the best of moods. Nevertheless, I picked up my suitcase and headed to the underground to make my way to Catford. It ended up taking me about 2 and 1/2 hours to get to my cousin's house. Imagine this: Billions of Londoners at peak hour rushing to work, being squashed in the train, interchanging at 3 stations which means running up and down subway stairs, not knowing exactly where you are going. I had to manage all this after flying for more than a day and with a suitcase. Not exactly the best way to start a trip, but it was an experience and I will always cherish it.

Living with my family has also been an experience. Francesca, my eldest niece has just finished school and is applying for Cambridge to study English literature. Her sister, Monica, has a learning disability so she doesn't often make much sense. She is, however, a good and kind hearted person and brings a lot of life and energy to the dinner table. The other two, Joseph and Jacinta, are still at school. They are just two hyperactive balls of goof that run around screaming, fighting, laughing and telling me stories. It's nice to be in a family environment, and I'm glad the kids are all comfortable with me.

Let me just say, I love London. The city, the buildings, the people: they are all agreeable. Just being in a country that is steeped in culture and history just sends a nice tingle down my spine. Every time I walk past an old, famous building I just look at the locals and say, "Oh my gosh, have you seen that?" I don't know if I could get used to living in a place like London because I feel like I keep stepping forwards and backwards in time. It's awesome.

Dancing in London

The day after I got to London I did a ballet class with Joan Hewson at Pineapple Studios. It was okay, a little too old school for my liking. The next day was better. I went to The Place in Euston to do the professional class. It was really good, and the people there were helpful with information. The next two days were spent at Pineapple with a ballet class with Roland Price and with Tory (something) who used to dance with NDT. I had a chat with her and she told me to come back and do her classes.

Zurich

I arrived in Zurich on a rainy Saturday morning. I went straight to the Opera House to see if I could catch my friend, Bryan, who offered me a place to stay. He is my friend from Malaysia, who started doing ballet at 18, went to the New Zealand School of Dance, danced with Singapore Dance Theatre and now dances with Zurich Ballet. He is incredibly talented, and someone I look up to.

Unfortunately, Bryan was still working so I decided to go for a walk in the rain. It was a little difficult to appreciate the city at this time because first of all it was raining, I had been up since 2am London time, and I was carrying a heavy backpack and a laptop. I ended up in McDonald's because they gave you free internet access for 30 minutes. Plus everything else in Zurich was in German so I didn't want to go and embarrass myself after only being here for half an hour. I walked up the Limmat river, and down Bahnhofstrasse, which is the main shopping street. I walked into Helmhaus to look at some projections and to take shelter from the rain. Eventually Bryan finished work, and I could finally put my things down. I had a stroll through the Old Town in the evening before dinner which was much easier to appreciate without any bags.

The next day I went to the Kunsthaus which is the art gallery in Zurich. It features both old and new paintings and structures and even displays works by Picasso, Monet and Van Gogh. I had free entry with my ZurichCard (which I recommend) so I thought it would be worthwhile. After that, I walked around the city and explored the cobbled alleyways and the churches that date back to the 13th century. After that, I went to watch Bryan perform in Peer Gynt. It was a really enjoyable show, although I can't say I'm a big fan of the choreography. I knew by watching the company that Zurich Ballet probably wasn't the kind of company that I wanted to go to but I would give it a shot anyway. That night I went out for dinner at a Thai restaurant with Bryan and some of his friends. The food was really good and the company was equally as good. They were teaching us German tongue twisters and I taught them Peter Piper.

Zurich Ballet audition

I knew as soon as I walked into the studio that I would not fit in to the mould of the company. Almost 95% of the people in there had perfect bodies. They were all tall, slender and beautiful. There were a handful of us that were on the smaller and stockier side. Sure enough by the time they made the first cut, I was thanked for coming. To be honest, I'm glad they cut me early. I don't think I would have enjoyed the rest of the audition, let alone working there. I knew he was looking for beautiful bodies because all the short ones were cut. Even the guy who was doing 7 clean pirouettes got cut because he didn't have the height. Oh well. There is no reason to be unhappy. Bill Bryson says the reasons we shouldn't be unhappy are:

1. You were born- which is an amazing circumstance in itself

2. You are alive, and that is not something to lament about either

3. You have plenty to eat, you live in a time of peace and "Tie a Yellow Ribbon round the Old Oak Tree" won't be number one again.

See?

I fly back to London on Wednesday, but tomorrow I am going to Rhinefall and Schaffhausen to look at the cascades and the Munot Fortress. Might as well do some sightseeing while I am here :)

It's only the beginning of my trip and I am enjoying myself to the fullest. Every day is a new and exciting one, and I know there is a company there that will take me. I may not be the most talented dancer, but I am definitely excited to see what the next 6 months have in store for me. I have a strong feeling that I will find something that works for me and something I can devote myself to for a while. All in good time.

It is Time

2008-11-29T14:08:00.000-08:00

Days till I leave: 0

I leave for London today! I'm excited, a little sad and a little nervous. I feel ready to take it on, and I am determined to get a job over there. It won't be an easy task, and I will have to fight for a spot just like everyone else. I'm not Sylvie Guillem of Natalie Allen, so if I'm lucky someone will like me and give me a contract.

If I don't get anything, I will still have an amazing experience and will learn as much as I can. Au revoir! I'll be back before we know it.

Counting Down

2008-11-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

Days till I leave: 26 (Aaaaarrrgghhh!)

I dawned on me over the weekend that I have less than a month before I leave on a 171 day trip to Europe. I have a plan, but it will probably change a lot while I am there. Here is a little summary:

December:

- Arrive in London

- Go to Zurich on the 6th and return on the 10th for the Zurich Junior Ballet auditions

- Do classes at The Place and Pineapple Studios

- Class with Rambert Dance Company and Akram Khan

- Head to Leeds for Northern Ballet Theatre and Phoenix Dance Company

- Head to Paris at the end of the month

January:

- Do a class with Pina Bausch

- Head to Amsterdam (Dutch National Ballet?), then Den Haag

- Do a secondment with Nederlands Dans Theater II

- Go to Rotterdam and Arnhem to spend some time with Introdans and Scapino Ballet

- Back to Den Haag for NDT II audition

- Head to Mannheim, Germany

Febuary:

- Stay with my friend Nyo Nyo in Mannheim, and spend a couple of days with Mannheim Ballet

- Head to Wiesbaden for Ballett Wiesbaden

- Head to Essen for Aalto-Essen Ballet Theatre

- Head to Avignon, France for the Hivernales Dance Festival

March:

- Head to Lyon for Lyon Opera Ballet

- Head to Geneva for Grand Theatre du Geneva

- Head to Lausanne for Bejart Ballet

- Head to Nottingham for New English Contemporary Ballet

- Back to London for a rest

April:

- Head to Madrid for Compania Nacional de Danza Espanol.

That's all I have for now, but I think it's a good start and things will fall into place if it's meant to be. It always does :) I'm really excited but I need to organise myself before I leave in 26 days!!!

Zurich Junior Ballet

2008-10-21T03:33:00.000-07:00

Days till I leave: 40

I got an e-mail today with an invitation to audition for the Zurich Junior Ballet Company on the 8th of December. On a whim, I bought a ticket from London to Zurich, which now forces me to turn up to the audition. Argh! I know it's not really my dream to be a classical dancer anymore, but I think it will be a good opportunity if I got in. Even if it's just for a couple of months or a year. At Zurich, they pay for your accommodation and you get an allowance on top of that. So it would definitely be a good place to start and an awesome stepping stone for other companies in Europe.

The NDT 2 audition is in January, and my friend Noodle is planning to do the audition with me. I'm getting very excited now, and I think it is going to be a very rewarding trip. I think I will learn a lot and will have to deal with a lot of situations and make a lot of decisions myself.

The Beginning of the End

2008-10-19T02:05:00.000-07:00

Days till I leave: 42

With just 6 weeks to go, I'm getting a little nervous about the whole trip. I haven't even thought of doing any packing (and by that I mean packing up 4 years of my life), my planning seems to go nowhere even though I put a lot of effort into it. Slowly, things are falling into place, but I don't think I will know anything for sure until I get there.

I arrive in London on the 1st of December. I just got an e-mail from Zurich Junior Ballet saying they have an open audition on the 8th of December. Now I have to plan a trip to Switzerland a few days after a long haul flight to London. On the bright side, my friend Bryan works with the Zurich Ballet and he can probably help me find a place to stay. The company has another audition in January, but it clashes with the NDT II auditions, and I really don't want to miss that one.

I finish at WAAPA in about 5 weeks, but those 5 weeks will consist of full-on rehearsals which doesn't leave me with much time to pack or plan my trip. I will probably end up packing at the last minute and will make a lot of impromptu decisions.

There is so much to say, but there is lots of time to say it so I'll post another blog soon.